AND SO….

 I have a new granddaughter, Lillian Delilah. 

Jo-sh and Mi-ya were told not to tell me.

Something that Christians like to say is that the Bible says that God won’t give you more than you can bare.

That is not true.

Night luvs,

Me

How do I do this?

Today my husband and I were getting ready to go out when I got a phone call from my YM as my youngest came running into my bedroom ( I think they learned a certain kind of lesson about how keeping someone else’s secrets can bite YOU in the ass) to tell me that the OM has pre-eclampsia and was admitted to the hospital to begin an induction.

I was doing my makeup listening to music. I held it together for a few minutes until my body and neurological system betrayed me and I started shaking, full body, and my heart rate shot up to 167 so I got an alert on my watch. I begged myself to not cry! I was a mess. 

I pulled my shit together and we went out. I had to run to Target. A different day that’s not this day I’m going to tell you this crazy story about how this gentle giant of a man walked over to me and my husband and what happened. It was so crazy, in a good way. I’m sitting with it to myself right now.

Irony, is the song above was what I was listening to when YM called to tell me the news. For some reason I can’t get the video to go down here.

Night

Me

Sorry.. It’s taken a bit longer…

 I’m going to list what I’m listening to while I write this because, why not?

1) Praying: Kesha

2) Beth :Kiss

3) Walk Away: Lany 

4) One More Light : Linkin Park

5) The Night We Met : Lord Huron

6)Happier: Marshmello & Bastille

7)Bang : Ryan Caraveo

8)Too Good At Goodbyes : Sam Smith

9) Someone You Loved : Lewis Capaldi

10) Stutter : Narrowhaven

11)  I Hope ( Featuring Charlie Perth) Gabby Barrett

First I hope your birthday was lovely. When did we get this old? Here’s my birthday wishes for you this year

1) you have someone who makes you laugh

2) something amazing moves you to tears

3) You find the beauty in something you’ve passed by and never noticed

4) you give yourself credit when you deserve it

5) You’re humble when you need to be

6) You feel your bravest self

7) you show charity to someone without telling anyone else.

8)You feel that you are loved deeply

Next!!! LIV GOLF And my opinionated opinion! Yass, Baby!

So, the timing is good because I’ve been reading about them over the last few months and I watched the Golf Documentary on Netflix “ Full Swing” ( I’m telling you, I Watch everything!) And seeing how the PGA players feel about LIV just solidified my own feelings which land strongly on the NOPE side of the fence.

First, most of what the PGA players are feeling has to do with history and tradition and amazingly, the disgust over players being bought to “ Trade sides.” I get that but I’m also pissed that this is Saudi Backed. The same country that was responsible for 9/11. How are we just welcoming them here? The same country known for its horrific treatment of women and girls. How do we turn a blind eye to that? Or how they murdered a journalist from American by DISMEMBERING HIM WHILE HE WAS ALIVE. That’s a NOPE from me. Here’s something that says it better than me from The New York Times:

One of LIV Golf’s biggest signings, Mickelson, provoked outrage in February when he praised the series as a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity” even as he called Saudi Arabia’s record on human rights “horrible” and used an expletive to describe the country’s leaders as “scary.” The project’s main architect, the former player Greg Norman, made things worse a few weeks later when he dismissed Saudi Arabia’s murder and dismemberment of the journalist Jamal Khashoggi by saying, “Look, we’ve all made mistakes.”

So there ya go. I actually can feel strongly about things that seem weird but it’s the morality, or lack of it, that gets me riled up. You know me, I’m the “right the wrongs” person 😉

Nothing personal, just my 2 cents. 

Tomorrow is the 3rd Anniversary of my dad passing. I need to talk to him so badly about this situation with my kids. I miss him immensely. 

Luv,

Me

Ok, Let’s Go……

 First, before I dig into LIV GOLF, here’s my birthday wishes for you:

1) For you to dance like no one is watching

2) for you to have someone who makes you laugh

3)

OH!!!

 I have OPINIONS on LIV Golf! Do I have any business having opinions on something in which I have zero dogs in the race, yes, yes I do! That’s the funnest part about me!

I don’t have time right now but, tomorrow! Buckle up, Buttercups!

Ps: Happy Birthday, Bear. I’ll address that tomorrow well.

❤️

It’s my party…

 I can cry if I want. Or not.

Today is my 55th birthday. I was watching a tik tok the other day and this guy my age asked “ Is Gen X the only generation to ever be shocked by their own age?” I think so.

 I think we are a different breed.

 We aren’t the women who put ourselves out to pasture at 40, have the same hairstyle from cradle to grave, settle into being invisible to society and men, wear invisible plain, monochrome clothes with no sass,  that make us blend into the crowd. Most of us aren’t any way. Thank God that’s not me. I’m sassy as fuuuuck! I also stopped coloring my hair four years ago. So freeing! My friend Heather never colored hers and it’s gorgeous. I’d never seen my mother without her hair colored so I didn’t know what to expect and what I got is stunning!! Nearly black hair with two so beautiful shocks of pure white at my temples. It looks like it’s on purpose. It’s gorgeous and I always do styles that draw attention to the contrast and those strips of white. At 55 I have NO WRINKLES yet! Not even my eyes. That’s some good genes, staying out of the sun and moisturizing, Baby!! 

It’s flying by. Life. High high’s and the lowest of lows. Makes you who you are. Makes you a kind person or a gentle person or an empathetic person. Or it can make you angry and selfish and unkind. I hope it’s made me empathetic and brave and while I can break off and on I can still put myself back together and ride at dawn to right the wrongs! 

Now, excuse me while I go sign up for AARP because I’m sure as hell not gonna turn down discounts! But I’m gonna look fine while doing so.

Me

Claustrophobia!

 We finally got a negative Covid test on Friday and by Friday night I was telling my husband that I had to get out of the house! I either needed to eat my feelings or buy stuff to fill that hole!

Shopping it was! Although I did get a piece of cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory. That will be cut into thirds though. I can’t eat a whole or even a half a piece at one time…

Anyway, it’s been a minute since I bought a new bag and there’s a soap/scrub/oils/balms store that make their products right in the store so you can watch them and I needed a few things. We went there first and met a lovely couple and the wife talked my ear off. She was taking things off the shelves and handing them to me saying that those were here must haves! I told the man working there that he should hire her! She was telling us that their 30th anniversary was coming up this year and I told her that our was as well ( turns out they’re nearly the same day) she immediately asked me “ So where will you be going?” Like it’s a requirement. We told her our plans and she told us that they are going to Washington State as part of their trip( going by train.) I’ve done that before and it’s great.

Anyway, after that long story, I was on the hunt for a new bag. Nothing stood out to me and then we went to Tory Burch. First of all, this is not racist, it’s an observation, nearly everyone in there was Chinese, customers I mean, second I had two women literally take bags out of my hands! They were all walking around with multiple bags to choose one but they didn’t want anyone else to take them first! 

I don’t know if you know this or not but im not only shy and introverted but im a honey badger if you grab a bag from my hand. No, sweetheart, that’s not how it works, thank you, I’ll take that back, let’s try nicely first. That women was kicked out :-) im really in no frame of mind to be amongst rude ass people. 

To shorten this up. I bought the bag. It’s nearly my birthday so let’s call it a birthday gift! I love her.

I’ve been getting a lot of questions and comments about my children. I won’t be addressing them any time soon.

Oh! Had a really nice dinner at one of our Favorite Mexican restaurants. Yummy!!! 

One more thing… we walked into Tory Burch and this snobby gay guy with an iPad looks me over from literally top ( I was wearing a hat) to bottom and then looks me in the eyes and just simply said with the flick of a wrist “ Cute.” Made my whole day! 

Gotta run… Covid has tried THREE times to kick my ass. Guess what? I’m the HBIC here, honey :-)

Me

Still have Covid

 And so does my husband but so far I’m ok. Fever, mild temperature, banging headache, sore everywhere, a little low blood oxygen, sleeping like a fairytale princess. So far, it looks like I’ll survive. My husband is doing the same…. Which brings me to this.

I got some news yesterday. Stumbled upon it while confirming my oldest son’s address. I’m sending birthday gifts to my grandson. His birthday is on the 18th. Two days after mine.

It’s killing me. Shattering my shell. Piece by piece it’s floating away into the dark water surrounding my ears now. Weighing me down as I’m grasping desperately to find the warrior.

My son and his wife have a baby registry online. A baby girl due July 11th. I didn’t know. I verified it with my YM who always knows all the secret things. She called later, crying, to tell me that OM is pregnant with a baby girl… Due NEXT MONTH. 

Struggling to stave off being swallowed by the black water. Thinking.. wishing that the Covid would do its god forsaken job. I’m tired. It’s more than I can bare. I need to find the warrior. This won’t fit in a box. It’s just too much. 

Imagine your children being your abuser… it’s nearly unimaginable.

Bye.

Tracy