The End is Near

 The end of summer that is. This is the first summer in like… 30+ years that I’ve squeezed the max from. Swimming nearly everyday and it’s been amazing. The water is warm, of course, it was 117 degrees out the other day… today was 98 degrees, so while the season is leaving the heat is not. It’s supposed to rain ever day this week coming up and that will keep me from the pool, which sucks. I think they close it sometime in September anyway so, I’ll be going back to riding the bike or running on the treadmill, both of which hurt my knee. Ugh. I’m going to really miss summer and that hasn’t happened in decades.  I even bought some bikinis this year. 

Anyway! My youngest child will be turning 22 this weekend. His birthday will be in the actual day of the week that he was born too! My Labor Day baby… he was due on Friday the 13th. I bought my first house at 22 years old. That was either really brave or really naive.  Gonna go with brave. 

That little house on Courtland saw so many major events in my life. It saw the tail end of me letting go of a bear, it saw me become engaged, twice 😁 it saw me deeply depressed and suicidal. It saw me learn how to grow from that. It saw a whole new life start for me when I moved in. Completely new friend group. Completely new activities from softball to darts to poker… it saw roommates and meeting Doug. It saw parties and me get married and a few months later become pregnant and at the same time it saw Cheryl get pregnant and Doug and his girlfriend get pregnant and between the three of us we waddled on walks and sat in my steps sharing a hose to cool us off during a record breaking hot summer. Then it again saw a whole new life. I then had baby number 3 in that house, my mom died, Cheryl’s brother was murdered in the parking lot of a downtown Arby’s… Two sister in laws struggling with pregnancies , one miscarriage , one still born. Both women were true soulmates. It saw us outgrow the place even after remodeling her. It watched as we drove a massive moving truck away to another life starting, one more child to be born, Doug dying, no more of him sitting in his porch swing keeping an eye on “The Old Girl” for me. Promising that he’d never become friends with the new owners 😂

My son could not be further from my 22 years old. I’d experienced so much by that age. At 24 I stopped going to clubs because I felt too old for that! 

What a trip to see him, my last child, turning 22. My oldest will be….. Wait for it…… Fucking Forty years old! Damn! He’ll be in his 40’s while I’m in my 50’s. How weird is that!?

Anyway, just rambling on. I got my Etsy store up and running. I’ve started my programming for the 31 days of Halloween. I want to get the videos locked and loaded in their queue so I’m not pressured in October. It’s been good. I’m good. 

Tracy

DEATH

 I can not process the idea of someone dying. Like, it breaks my brain to imagine a clicking clock- Tick Tock-Tick Tock- counting down. 60, 59,58,57 seconds until it’s over. 

I’ve lost many people in my life, grandparents, parents, three best friends…

But last week I lost one of my Birds. A 21yr old girl whom I had coached from the age of 8 through 18. Sharing a name with one of my daughters. 

If anything is true, I loved my birds. With my husband traveling I’d spent more time with them in a gym playing and practicing volleyball then I did with him! I love my birds.

She was trying to pass a truck and hit another truck head on. She was pronounced dead at the scene. Nobody else was injured. 

There will be a “ Celebration of Life” in a couple of weeks. So we’ll be taking the drive up there then swinging by somewhere in the Falls. The incredibly sad thing is that my girls won’t even know that we will be there. How stupid is that. Things like this happen in the blink of an eye and I just cannot imagine families breaking up over nothing and now our close friends don’t have their daughter.  My kids should remember what’s really important in life. Such a loss.

Look to the moon’

Me.

Q&A

 I’ve had so many emails asking question that I thought I’d do a few:

1) you used to talk about makeup a lot. Do you still like makeup?

You have a good memory!!! I LOVE makeup and now I’ve added perfumes and serums. I’m a junky and it brings me joy!!

2) haven’t heard you mention your brother in ages. Talking to him or no?

I don’t think I’ve spoken to my brother for …. 7 years? 8? Long time. Can’t have him in my life. Wish I had a “normal” brother… in the meantime, my friend Robb fills in.

Speaking of Robb…

3) Haven’t heard you and Robb do a podcast in a long time. Still friends? Will you go back to Exit Light?

I speak to Robb almost daily… well, nightly for me. We’ve been friends now for close to ten years and we still find stuff to talk about for hours. 

I’m not sure about Exit Light’s future…. I do miss it a lot though. I know that Robb and I will be doing a podcast soon to ramp up for the 31 Days of Halloween. I’m excited about doing that for my .. 11th( ?) year in a row. I’ve been stock piling stories all year. I had an offer to buy my channel. Sometimes people do that, there’s a channel I watch call EWU. Started out as a guy and his daughter and then they sold it and its content changed, still about crimes but super put together like Dateline. I don’t think I could do it. All my written stories, I think there’s something like, 300(?), would then belong to someone else, I can’t see me doing that, plus I’d feel like I let my little community down. 

3) How did you break your foot?

Long story short. My husband accidentally dropped a hammer on it from about 7-8 ft above. It’s not healing all that well. My orthopedic surgeon just keeps telling me to wait it out but I think it will never be the same again. Shoes are an issue!!!! And I LOVE shoes!

4) you must have been pretty young when your oldest was born. Is your husband his father too?

RUDE! I was young. My husband has been his dad by every measurable way.

5) you’ve seemed much less depressed lately. You good?

I’m really good. Feeling my spicy feisty sparkly self. 

Ok, must be going. Night luvs! 

Me