Here’s the Deal...

I had my pre-surgery/ early registration stuff done last Friday.

EKG, blood, chest x-rays, urine and all that good stuff. 

During that, a very ME thing happened. 

I could not for the life of me pee. It just was not happening. Why? Well. Because I was on autopilot when we left and I said... oh, gonna pee real quick....

I figured, not a big deal. They’ll do it before my surgery or I’ll drop one off Monday. No. Stay here, drink water, and pee.

They gave me..... 48 ounces of water.

I peed about.... 3oz

Then as I walked out the door... this hospital is set up like some hotels are with a huge middle area and rooms go around it.... well, in this part of the hospital office go around it....

I think to myself, there are people from every vantage point who can see me...oh shit. And that’s when I see them.  A janitor standing next to a trash can. He’s all hanging out looking over the edge and I’m thinking... don’t. Do not do this. Please do not.... shit.... and I run over to the trash can and lose 45 ounces of water and I say, right at the beginning of the process.... I’m so sorry!

This kind gentle man who is not older than me but I know that he has to be from Louisiana because he STAYS there and soothingly says.... you’re ok baby. You got this. That’s right, just get it out. There you go baby girl. 

His kindness was extraordinary and I was grateful for it.

I ran to the bathroom after that and wanted to never come out. 

Tuesday is my surgery. It’s a pretty big and painful one and I’m scared. I don’t like anesthesia and have told everyone with ears to not, do not, ever, give me morphine or we will all regret it. Morphine does not work for me, even a little, and gives me migraines. No bueno!!

I’ll be in for probably just one night which is good because I want to be at home. I love our home so much!!!! 

Bonus, Monday is Christmas Tree day at our house so I’ll obviously want to come back to that.

Here’s the thing.

Five years ago I had a very similar surgery and wanted so badly to tell EVERYONE I loved that I love them before surgery.

If I’d never had the chance to know a bear, I’d be so sad. If I didn’t know that rush and silence as the world continued to spin but it felt as though time had slowed down to bring out the most of every touch and kiss and whisper, I would be desperately sad over the hole that would have been empty forever in my heart. Most people will never know what I know and just how much it’s always been worth to me. I’ll always be grateful. I love you.

See you round the moon

Me