New Years Eve

 Today is my oldest son’s birthday. He is now 37 years old.

WTF?

Ya, you wanna know what’s really weird? My brain sees this more as he’s catching up with me and less like I’m getting old! How does that work? Well, think if this… when he hits 40, I’ll still be in my 50’s for four more years….

Take all the time you need to shake that off.

I really was very young when I had him!

We are going out to dinner tonight. I’m wearing my fancy velvet dress. I’m going to drink the wines. I’d like to move out of this shit year feeling a bit tipsy. 

For your New Year I wish!

Being a bit tipsy

Strength

Hope

Holding hands

Noticing something new

Enjoying the simple things

Health

Harmony

Recognition 

Having a handful of curls 

Gratification 

Neck kisses

True friendship 

The sun on your face

The moon in your eyes

Trying something for the first time

Moving through any pain

Tobacco vanille!

A long lost love

A new passion

Your knowledge that you are the only one.

Luv,

Me

No real title…and a mullet

 How was everyone’s Christmas? I hope that it was lovely.

For the first time since I was a poor single mother, I’m glad it’s over. This year was hard, not gonna lie.

We weren’t going to exchange gifts because our vacation was the gift but that never really works, does it? We didn’t open anything until about 9pm on Christmas night. No one was in the mood. Is that even possible?! I guess so. 

However! I received some Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille and if you have not tried it, run, do not walk, and do so now. I love this scent sooo much! It’s smoky and smooth and creamy and delightful. In my personal opinion it’s unisex. I can not get enough! 

My next favorite is my new Ugg blanket because, this bitch loves a good blanket!

I do enjoy gifts. I gave great gifts too, I might add! I’m a good gift giver. I always send gifts to Robb and his girls too. They love anything “American” or “ Texan” and I love to send it!

It was 82 degrees here on Christmas Day, I think that added to the weird vibe. In Arizona that’s expected but in Texas, not so much. 

I’ll get into more details about the oldest two children later. I’m still letting stuff sit in the safe for now. 

Now!!!! On to better things:

Mullet. My God, my heart skipped a beat. I so remember grabbing a fist full of curls back in the day. I love it and am sorry that it has left. So many memories, emotions, sensations, came running back. And here I thought it was just smells and music that could cause time travel. Love. 

Night my luvs,

Me

Christmas Eve Eve

 So, the rest of vacation went well. My tummy was sensitive the whole time from the antibiotics but it really didn’t matter. I was so happy and surrounded by Christmas that it helped everything! We only left the hotel once for a meal. We ate at every restaurant and had some of the best food! The lasagna with the Bechamel sauce and a little planter on the table growing an herb that you could grab off and sprinkle on your food, is that not the best idea??? I’d love to own a restaurant and that would be a great idea for several fresh herbs. Parsley, Basil, Thyme! We also had the best chicken noodle soup! We sat in the lounge next to the piano player and requested Christmas songs ( yes, we tipped him) and drank hot chocolate and chia tea and espresso! I actually only had one alcoholic drink with dinner because my tummy demanded that I’d better not! 

My adult kids turned into children with painting on canvases and gingerbread cookies and ice skating! Those two are so very close. It was joy and I feel grateful and blessed.

The husband and I will be cooking Christmas dinner, on Christmas Eve there is a candlelight caroling service on the island on our green. We’re going to that. The man child might be going to his sister’s for Christmas Day. The emotions are many and I’m putting them in a box for now!

We had a Christmas dinner with all the management and secretaries that work with the husband’s company and it was lovely!! Tomahawk Ribeye steaks, I’ve never had one before and ribeyes are my most favorite steak. We laughed and had a great time. The restaurant closed for us so we could be as loud and silly as we wanted. My new fedora was a hit!!!

Here’s what I wish for you for Christmas 

A still moment to find grace for others

A soft hand on your cheek

Gratitude 

A warm blanket

A hand held

Health 

Deep happiness 

Curiosity 

Adventure 

Remembering the moon and who else is looking

Good wine

Kisses on eyelids

Good memories 

Love from near and afar 

Silent moments

Boisterous laughter

And a merry Christmas 

Luv,

Me

HONEY, IM HOME!

 So much to talk about. So much that I have to put away until I can talk about it. Some difficult stuff happening but I want to concentrate and, at the risk of sounding like a complete douche bag, be present during my favorite time of year.

DAY ONE OF VACATION: ARRIVE FIVE HOURS LATE!

Yup. Did that, and considering that check in was at 4 pm, well, things were off with a huge misfire!

Being the procrastinator that my husband is, and I’m not telling you anything that he doesn’t already know, he decided to wait until the day we were to leave to pack and shop for everything he needed. This should have been ok since we woke up at 4 am to give us all the time in the world.

Let me say for the record that some people need more than all the time.

And for me, that means anxiety attack after anxiety attack.

Wee!

Finally, we get there at nine. Is the place a quiet ghost town? No. 1500 people have checked in and it’s a mad house! Kinda glad we were late! I loved it! I loved driving in the drive, I loved the hustle and bustle, I loved the kids and adults in PJ’s and I just melted into Christmas!

We had checked in electronically and had the key on my phone so we were able to skip the check in line which literally had hundreds of people!

Straight to the room and back out again to scavenge  for food. Decided on the sports bar for a burger and fries( Brussel sprouts for me. I’m eating them all the time!) and sat right in front of the largest screen which was showing a rodeo.

A) don’t eat beef while watching a rodeo 

B) I can not stand rodeos or zoos. Same reasons. Cruelty. Poor YM has never seen a rodeo before and kept saying “ this must hurt them. This is so sad!”

Move on to see the atrium, which was the reason that I was there after all, and my heart settled. They pipe in the scent of pipe tobacco ( which is in my top three favorite scents, I buy candles of it and perfumes) and mixed with the river, it soothes me into joy. I love that place. It’s always made me happy. 

Dropped dead into sleep at 11:30 and woke up at 1am with a stomach bug or food poisoning. 

Of course!

More later!

Tracy

Hey!

 I’m leaving!!!! Please behave yourselves! I’ll post pics on Instagram, probably. 

I have stuff to talk about but it’s gonna be put in the box and locked away until after vacation sometime. For now, only positive thoughts and Christmas fun!

I still have my picc line and TWO nurses, I’m so special! So they will be hanging out with us sometimes, I’ll be getting a new round of antibiotics, which I’ve actually already started, but I can still have a little alcohol 🍷. Pretty hard to make outfits cute with a tube hanging out of your arm! But! I will manage!! 

Where are some Bear pics? 

See ya, Luvs!

Me

OMG, YOU GUYS!

 I know you’re sick of hearing about it but I’m gonna go off anyway…..

I’m sooooo excited about our vacation coming up and spending a week in an over abundance of Christmas and Christmas cheer and Grapevine, the town the Gaylord is in, is known as the Christmas City Of Texas! And flannel pj’s, double fisting cocktails and cocoa and if you do not think that I will wear my flannel pj’s in the public areas of that hotel then YOU DON’T KNOW ME! 

Yup, me the Ugg’s I’ve had since… July? June?….. hair in braids, pj’s and a drink. People watching and, you’re right, I’ll be that crazy lady and I don’t care! TRY AND STOP ME FROM SINGING CHRISTMAS SONGS! 

I have found some gorgeous restaurants and taken a deep dive into local events and even though I currently have a tube hanging out of my arm, don’t you worry, I’ll jazz that up too, I will be joyful and thankful and merry!

I’ve made reservations for a candlelight service. If you haven’t been raised religiously, you might have never experienced one of these but I find them to be so peaceful and beautiful. They are some of my best childhood memories.

Have to go!

Me

My Baby Boy

 Is your youngest child always your baby? Because at 4am this morning I sure felt like it as his dad took him to the ER for, not only chest pains, but stroke high blood pressure readings. I swear that I tried to be brave. My voice cracked and he asked if I was crying… “Hell naw! There seems to be some dust in the air…” 

Then he hugs me and all worse case scenarios rush through my mind and, yup, there she goes… Pussy.

He’s fine. Anxiety. Hmmmmmm, I wonder where that comes from?

Lord, being an adult parent still seems hard.

Doctors!!

 Met with my surgeon today and I’d like to say here that he’s a jerk. It’s close to say that we feel more like adversaries than doctor patient. He’s that doctor that doesn’t like the patient being educated. It threatens him, I guess. My husband kept stepping in the lower the temperature of the conversation. I do not enjoy this cocky mother fucker. My husband says what matters is if he can fix me but guess what I found out today by applying a little pressure…. He says that he’s a Uro-Gyne, which as we know from the last guy is an elite class amongst doctors. Only 43 per year are given the credentials…. I push him on the because he keeps saying that he can’t perform the surgeries that I KNOW uro-gynes perform. Finally he says “ well I’m more Gyne but I can treat kidney stones and stuff”

That’s NOT a uro-gyne! A true uro-gyne can turn a penis into a vagina and Vice versa! They know their stuff and I NEED a reconstructed urethra. I want to cry. Soooo much time waisted.

We’ll see. Cross your everythings.

Got my booster today and am on the slow road to hell. Getting more sore and icky by the minute but, I’m grateful for that. My immunocomprimised body is working! Yes!

Anyway, I have a test next week for the doc, a test the following week and if all goes well and he believes that he can fix me, surgery on the 20th. That’s good news!!

Gotta go.

Tracy