I’ve had Covid. AGAIN. I love being immunocompromised…
So, I can understand Spanish much better than I can speak it. I can pick out enough words to understand what’s being said but I’m not good with the noun before adjective way of speaking it. My husband is fluent in Spanish.
We went to pick up painting supplies and the brand I usually get wasn’t in stock so I needed to ask about it. The only employee working the floor only spoke Spanish so my husband had the conversation with her and she said that she needed to go ask someone.
After she walked away my husband decided that he was going to go look in a different section and said I should wait there in case she came back. I told him that it wouldn’t do me any good to be there as I’m not the one who speaks Spanish. He wandered off and sure enough she comes back. So I… Wing it…
I told her to “ please wait a moment” and that “ I don’t speak Spanish” and that “ I need to get my husband” then I literally called his name out loud. He came right away and did the rest but I also couldn’t find the fine glitter that I needed for a wintery painting and he didn’t know the word for glitter, because, why would he? So he asked her, she cocked her head, looked at him like he was an idiot and replied “ uh, GLITTER” 🤣 so if you ever need to ask about glitter in Spanish… it’s called glitter….
My point though is I bragged to anyone who would listen, like I am now, that I basically had a conversation in Spanish and I’m super smart…..
Let’s unpack Robb real quick…
I don’t let people in…. Well, except strangers on the inter web tubes, in life a “ friend” will know NOTHING too personal about me. They will know NOTHING that can be thrown in my face or used against me, used to hurt me in any way. The fence it 100 ft tall, electric and has three feet of barbed wire on top.
The last person who knew all the things about me was Cheryl and she NEVER broke that trust. We held each other’s feelings, secrets, regrets, pain, the darkest of things, the thrilling quiet things. The world crushing, life altering things that could be used against us. I never ever worried that she’d betray me. That bitch would have buried a dead body for me and I’d have driven her getaway car at the drop of a hat. That is not only rare it’s virtually impossible to find.
Robb knows a lot. But not all, there will never be any life altering, world crushing secrets. But most everything else we talk about. Deep deeply personal conversations, embarrassing and hurtful things, the “This is how to hurt me” type conversations where you open up your heart and tell about the worst betrayals.
Something that my Cruella Deville of a daughter in law does is take her rage, lies, narcissistic, most hateful shit to the internet to attack people. Whether that’s been me or making fun of the Om’s Tourette’s or my youngest son feeling profoundly depressed when Covid hit and my dad passed. She’s a real piece of work.Robb knows this about her and how I feel about it…
So, Robb and I were talking and I made a smart ass remark. Believe me, it happens between us all the time. Both of us. Not truly hurtful things but like he’ll call me an idiot sometimes but not in a serious way, that would never be tolerated, so you have to understand that it’s just silly little pokes. Well, he was, apparently, having a bad day and took what I said and STRETCHED IT into a completely different thing and then…… Made a TIK TOK taking a swipe at me, by name even, to hurt me, intentionally. It’s the intention that really blew my mind. I mean, I called him and told him to fuck straight off a cliff and I’m sure that there wasn’t a person near him that didn’t hear it. I was so HURT and felt so BETRAYED and SICK that I fucked up by giving him the insight to know to do that to me.
Eventually he apologized. We talk but I’ve cut it down by a lot! No more every day. No more secrets, no more trust. I’m sure, very sure, that he feels it’s all fine. I act like it’s all fine but I can never trust him again. It will never be the same on my end. That’s too bad too. He fucked up hard. I will hold your secrets and take them to my death if it’s returned. I’m the guy you want in the trench beside you. I will fight for you.
Now, not so much. He threw away something worth so much more than money and he doesn’t even know.
Finally, I took a 23andme test years ago, which is how I eventually die my mother’s bio family. Every once in awhile I get a notification that a relative has been found. It’s always a 2nd or 3rd cousin. I decided a long time ago that I don’t want to be involved with my mother’s family so I never contact anyone and I don’t answer messages…… Two days ago I got a notice and for some reason I felt compelled to go look….. there was a person added onto my family tree….. I was told that it’s my , sit down for this, MOTHER.
My MOTHER.
What the fuck? Her first name is Karen and it shows her last name too, connected to me as my mother and to the oldest son as his grandmother.
Like, my jaw dropped. My sister in law, married to my half brother, my father is his father, is really into genealogy. I sent her the tree at around 11 pm. She called me at 3am to say that she couldn’t sleep because she was investigating this mystery for me! Could it be possible that your mom, like kidnapped you? I don’t think so…. What if your mom had an identical twin? Maybe? I can’t really say. Could her and your father have adopted you? Uh, I don’t think so, I saw pics of her pregnant, but were they of her pregnancy with my brother? I can’t remember. So very much blocked out and she NEVER talked about her life….
The idea that I could have a different mother is kind of exciting, not gonna lie and wouldn’t that sort of explain her complete disassociation from abusing me? She told me that she couldn’t love me… Is this why?
And is this not THE MOST ME THING EVER?!
Mystery.
To a bear. Glad to get another picture. You look good.
Me
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