Flying Cockroach? No thank you.

 I’m going to be bust

in’ my butt this week. I’m trying to do 2-3 videos PER DAY to place in queue for my 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN. Going from zero to 100. I need to get a jump on it as we’ll be on vacation after this week until the beginning of October. Probably not going to post many pics on Instagram, if any. I want to feel “present” which is hard to do through the lense of a camera.

It’s beginning to cool off. Highs in the low 90’s and upper 80’s, that’s how I know I’m acclimated, no, THIS is how I know I’m acclimated… Last night josh went out onto the balcony at around 2am. I went out there with him for a second ( until I realized that our lit balcony was bringin’ all the bugs to the yard,) but it was probably mid 70’s and I said “it’s actually cold out here!” That’s not normal, people. 

It was a good thing that I came in though because just after I sat down inside I hear him yelling, through my voice canceling headphones, and see him ripping his shirt off and hitting agains out balcony furniture.

Did I go out to see what was wrong?

There’s a limited amount of options that it could be considering we’re up high and any of the possibilities I could think of were not things that I wanted to meet. So, no. The kid is 21 yrs old, man, it’s every man for themselves time!

So he comes in and takes his hair out of the band and starts SHAKING his head like three feet from me. I didn’t want to meet it outside, I sure as fuck don’t want to meet it inside, so it’s then that I say”Stop! What the hell is happening? STOP shaking your hair!!!!!”

He tells me that a THREE INCH FLYING COCKROACH landed on his shoulder and crawled into his long sleeve shirt and he wants to make sure that there isn’t one in his hair. No, my child, not in here! Take that shit out into the hallway! He then asks me to inspect his hair. If you’ve seen pictures of my child then you know he has long super tight curly hair. ( he got hit with all my creole genes) and as the loving supportive mother I am I …. Did NOT DO THAT.

Ok, eventually I did, I poked around his massive amount of uncontrollable curls and that my friends, is how I know that my oldest two can kick rocks, I’m a damn good mother. 

As a side note, as long as I’ve lived here I’ve never seen the often spoken of demon flying cockroaches. I went to look outside after the drama and it wasn’t there. I’m good with never seeing one. And this is from someone who lost their shit in a very public place Sunday because a cricket landed on me.  

Go ahead, make my day

Tracy

Monday

 We went to a Fleetwood Mac cover band concert on our island. I took a ton of pics and videos. I wore a long, floor length yellow dress, my gorgeous sandals with painted leather flowers, a belt and big jewelry that sounded like I was the lead horse pulling a Christmas sleigh. Oh, and a hat. It wasn’t “ too hot” about 90 degrees, but I stripped everything off but the dress and the jewelry. Pulled up the dress up the my thighs and felt very 70’s indeed!! Barefoot dancing in a park. 

Peaceful. 

But! I had a 32 ounce coffee and couldn’t stop talking until 2am which was when it was kindly suggested that I put my noise canceling Air Pods in and watch something calming. My husband doesn’t wear a cape but he was a hero. Poor guy.  I watched a True Crime doc, obviously.

Sunday was the anniversary of my mother’s death. My brain is so conflicted. Anyway, it’s been TWENTY FOUR YEARS! That means that I could have been born and lived my whole life again including meeting my husband !! WTF! That’s crazy!! 

She died the day after 9/9/99. Most people probably don’t remember but that was the day the whole Y2K shit was supposed to start. It was going to freak the computers out. We were glued to the tv. We took the girls to the hospital after their gymnastics class ( om was 4 and YM was 18 months. Om kept jumping around in her leotard, putting her hands in the air and yelling  “ Big Finish!” She was cute back then… Sometimes. My mom was all excited to hear if the world had stopped even a little. Nope. 

Then she died and my world stopped. 

ANYWAY!!!

It’s going to be rainy and into the 80’s this week. Thank the Lord! Fuck me. I was at my breaking point!! 

We have our lease to re-sign….. Will we? Not sure yet. I do love it here.

Living on a Prayer, 

Tracy

Today….

 Isn’t that Miley song good? I love it!! 

My youngest child isn’t a baby anymore. He turned 21 on Friday so we did the whole “ Birthday WEEKEND” with him. He had his literal first drink. He doesn’t drink I have given him a sip now and then , which he never likes, he got a Pina Colada , which really was strong! And he didn’t really like it. I had a vodka/cranberry/splash of 7-up and then like 1/2 of his drink. That’s more alcohol than I’ve had in the past year. Hit me in like two seconds. I asked Josh if he could feel anything and he said no but a few minutes later he asked what it was supposed to feel like so I answered “ like you’re slow” “ yup! I feel slow!” He responded.

The VAST IMMEASURABLE difference between his 21st and MY 21st……. I had the exact same conversation with someone about how I was supposed to feel and slow was NOT the answer. I ran up and down the hotel hallway and felt as alive and clear and as shiny as I ever had . Bonus, every nerve in my body was jumping like electricity. A single touch felt like a deeply profound connection that found its way to the part that registers pleasure and unlocked insecurities and fear. It was “alive” is supposed to feel like.

So glad that I didn’t miss out on that.  

And moving on…..

I am struggling HARD with depression. It’s a bare buckle fight sometimes. It’s frustrating because I wait all year for exactly this time of year. I love this time of year, as everyone knows by now, but the depression isn’t up to me. Calm waters, floating along with a warm breeze, full moon, the smell of calm and lazy and peaceful then…Giant waves thrashing about tossing my thoughts around and against a cold concrete wall. Thunder that deafens me and dulls my senses and pulls me down, down, down until I can’t catch a breath, struggling wildly to reach out and grab something, anything to steady myself….. I even made a YouTube video to explain that I just can’t right now. I don’t have the capacity at the moment.

I’m doing a lot of self care. Art, candles, body butters, lotions, scents, reading, music…Just trying to ride it out… I always do…. 

Other stuff is gonna have to wait until next time. Maybe a q&a?

Football starts tomorrow so it’s that time of year that I get to spend “ with” my dad. Can not believe I’m into football. Hell hath frozen over!!

May the force be with you,

Tracy