Catching up…

 I’m a fucking train wreck at the moment. My ferritin level is at a one and my hemoglobin is at a nine. I literally can’t go lower without dying. I was sent to the ER for an emergency iron shot and today I’m going to start iron infusions. The doc will want a colonoscopy and I’m gonna put my pale whit foot down. I’ve had TWO for the same reason and they are always fine. I need a fucking doctor to DOCTOR. Look beyond the horse hooves, that’s where you’ll find me, the unicorn. I literally can’t absorb iron. Why? We’ve checked for cancers before. We will check again , but with a blood test, if the blood test is bad then we can talk about a GD colonoscopy again but do your fucking job and figure out why I’ve been anemic since I was at least 16 years old. Today it’s to the point that I’m stupid. Like my brain has locked up and I can’t think of basic words, chest pains, fainting, muscle cramps, hair breaking off and or falling out, pale as the driven snow, anxiety, sores in my mouth, high blood sugar, you name it, I’ve got it and I’m literally dying. I don’t have enough oxygen in my blood to do anything but help my lungs, heart and brain and my brain is quickly going down the tubes. I can’t breathe!!! I’m two seconds away from a heart attack and it scares the living shit out of me. Please don’t let it suddenly be a cancer. My mental health is on the brink. My health health is on its last leg. And iron infusions suck!!!!! But, better that than fucking brain dead or a heart attack. 

And!! The YM is now on the list of children who won’t speak to us. Not surprising as she spends all her free Time with the OM. I’m…… I don’t even know what the word would be. 

Josh spent a week with the siblings in New Mexico. We expected him to come back and move in with one of them. We really did. It’s just a matter of time. He’s too attached to YM to not leave with her. 

Holidays are going to be rough. 

I hope all bears are as good as can be. I grieved the loss of my dad by binging Shark Tank for three months. Now I watch football three times a week and tell his ashes what’s going on. I’m weird though but my point is, whatever it takes to get you through is what you do. Period. 

Gotta go.

I’ve got friends in low places,

Tracy