Bear?

 How do I know if there’s still a bear here? If there’s no Bear then there’s no reason to continue. It’s been 21 years of this. It’s the only way that I can share with a Bear other than through instagram. If I don’t see a sign from a bear then I need to say goodbye. God, that would break my heart. 

I’ve stopped my YouTube channel for now. I’m going to start a new one, whole new set up, whole new concept and I excited about it. Planned my space to do videos. Got new equipment. Excited for a new adventure. Did I ever mention that my book was published? Not under my name but not too difficult to figure out….. it’s doing well. I’m so proud. I don’t want my name connected. It’s so personal. This new project will be something that I feel is a whole new connection to a whole different type of viewer. 

Got my results from my latest blood tests. Go to the doc on Friday but I can see the results are great!! I have iron! I have oxygen! I feel so good and happy and motivated!! What an amazing thing that oxygen to your brain is! Highly underrated!! I can’t even sleep because I’m writing again and excited about it, so much I want to do. I feel like I’m on the other side of a canyon. Joy :-)

I love you. 

Hope to see a sign. 

If not… Only you. 

Tracy

The End Is Near

 I’m working on a video to end or at least momentarily stop my YouTube channel. I have something else that I want to do, it is on YouTube, but I will not be linking it here or making myself searchable. Ewww! She’s so fahncy with her top secret channel! I will talk about it probably a little, maybe, because one thing I can do is talk for hours!

Got my fifth infusion done and now I have to go see my doc to see if I need more. I was in the hospital last week, more on that in a bit, and when I was released I got the results from my blood work up and, yup, you guessed it, still anemic! God, I’d love some oxygen in my blood. Wouldn’t that be great? However, I do feel like I’m doing better. The bare minimum is better than nothing, right? I have a lot more energy. I can’t sleep to save my life and I’ve been reorganizing everything I own. Closet, drawers, makeup, baskets I used for facial, hair and body care.. oh, my jewelry is not only organized but it’s on display. On two jewelry display racks that I literally just feel joy when I see them. My drawers are magical. My closet? Chef’s kiss! And I feel happier. Happy. ( ok, there are some tiny rage issues from the iron, but I am good at keeping those thoughts inside my head as to not actually kill anyone. Bonus!)

Was in the hospital because I had kidney stones that tore me up, like shredded me and I was a bleeding, screaming, crying mess. Guess what? I got a kidney infection from that! Super exciting! 10/10 would not recommend, unless you’re super bored and feel like having needles blowing your veins. I literally could not be a heroin addict because my veins need newborn size needles or BLOWN! How do junkies manage if they have small veins? I ponder.

Had a good new year, despite the labor like pains. Quiet with food and games. It was nice. 

While sorting through my drawers I learned that I am addicted to socks! I mean like, name a kind? Wool, sheer, short, tall, colorful, dark, pairs that read things like “ I’m in charge of this shit show.” Massive fuzzy ones, regular fuzzy ones, compression socks that loo like Wednesday Adam’s wears them. Super cute and I use them to keep oils and lotions on my lower legs and feet… heel socks! Tights! …. I got em. I kind of love that about me! 

I’m thinking of a bear. Pics from memorial??? I’d love to see them.Any pics from the old days?? Love to see them!! 

Hope a bears heart is full. Grief is like ocean waves. Sometimes calm, sometimes knocks you over. 

Am I clear?!? Crystaaal,

Tracy