So, my recent surgery was to correct and re-do a surgery I’d had done 5 years ago.
I had a prolapsed uterus and bladder. The doc used a mesh “sling” to pull up my bladder etc....
It never worked. For five years if I went on a road trip it was a guarantee that I’d get a uti. 10 hour road trip, 2 hour road trip, it didn’t matter. My urethra, as it turns out, would.... kink, is the best description and this leads to a clusterfuck of uti then antibiotics and then sometimes one round would work, sometimes I was stuck for a month in a circle of the above.
It finally got to the point that I was simply in the circle for over a year. Uti, antibiotic, uti, antibiotic until sepsis and kidney infections joined the party and by then it was literally becoming life threatening.
Can you even imagine dying from a uti? How embarrassing!
Long story longer... we see inside my bladder. Check for cancer or maybe a tiny little hole letting in bacteria.
My bladder is a beauty! Looks great! Does have a growth though..... not cancer. Just there from all the trauma. Cool beans. Let’s remove the old mesh, as much as possible as it does grow into you... nice, sounds lovely, let’s do this!
I had this.... feeling... every day since the day it’s scheduled.... something will go wrong.
I’m not a fan of anesthesia. It scares me, to be honest. It can go south fast.
I know that’s what it will be.
I’m not worried. I’m not... “scared” that I could die. I think about it a lot.
I say what I want to say to everyone. I would do that anyway but I tell the kids to take care of their dad. He’s gonna need them. Let him remarry. Encourage it.
The anesthesiologist comes in, sees my odd throat shape and says over and over.... I won’t let you die.
This is like this man is reading my mind. He looks at my ekg.... it’s been funky for at least eight years. It shows massive heart attack, subsequent tests show that I haven’t had one... maybe an “event” when I was like, in my 20’s...( I’m pretty sure what that could have been caused by. Not my job to tell anyone so I don’t) but it’s fine now etc...
He isn’t super comfortable with the news but my cardiologist has sent my records stating that I’m good to go.
I tell my family specific instructions on what to do with my body. Who to talk to. How to cremate me. Where to go. Stand there, do not let them put other people in there with me. Take me and even though I want to be a tree my family is highly opposed to the idea. They want me at Pine Cemetery so they can “visit” and eventually we will all be there.
Doc comes back in, gives me the shot that relaxes you and... in case you do not know this, that shot is really medicine that causes you to forget anything you might see or hear during your surgery!!
You aren’t suppose to remember much about the lead up either but I make this a contest and remember anyway!
I win!
PS: I’ll tell you how I know this in another post. It has a wicked side effect and for the first time ever, I was blessed with getting it. It hits you after surgery and it’s a motherfucker. I can’t use it ever again. Stay tuned!
So doc says... Tracy, I’m going to put you to sl....
I lost the contest after that.
However!!! At some point I feel as though km flowing through tube and particles of be enter a room.
It’s not really a room. It’s all black. But the knowledge comes to me saying it’s a waiting room. I “know” that this term is used simply because it’s familiar to me and I can understand the concept.
I feel the presence of other beings in the room. I also feel four large “figures” which come to my understanding as four large carved-like heads.
I’m not scared. I’m not worried. I understand that I’ve died. I even “think” I’ve died. And am given the understanding that I have but I’m not staying. I don’t worry about my family. I’m given the understanding that everything is fine.
The room very much feels as though the others will be reincarnated, which I, sitting here now, and before, don’t believe in.
But I understand it there. I’m given information which is me seeing myself have a conversation with the anesthesiologist. We are talking about my heart and my ekg and suddenly I’m aware that it’s not the same result as I usually get. It’s something else and I must get my heart checked out.
Then I’m waking up after surgery.
The doc sitting with me slowly bringing me back like he said he would if I had complications.
I heard him, my doc and a nurse whispering about my complications and as drugged up as I was I thought... holy shit! I did die! I could then and can now remember it as vividly as I’m typing this.
They took 2.5 hours to bring me out of the anesthesia. It took that long for me to have the tube removed from my throat. A hearty shot of Pain meds and that went just fine.
My surgeon had gone and told my family that I was out of surgery, that there were complications, what happened and that I was unable to breathe on my own at the time. They would not allow even my husband to come back to see me.
The first time I saw my husband and two of my children after surgery they looked petrified. I kept saying... I died. I died. I have to tell you about it and then passing out.
And me, being me, when I did tell them I also mentioned that I got ripped off with my near death experience!! No meeting God or having my life flash before my eyes!! I got to see a flashback of someone I’d just met! LoL
Ps: the mesh that was going to be removed? They couldn’t find it. It wasn’t there except for a tiny microscopic piece. My bladder was halfway removed and sliced two inches deep in several places just to look for it. Nope.
My doc called the hospital I’d had surgery in previously and demanded the surgery notes and it was in the notes that a mesh sling had been placed in there.
Gone.
Well, that’s not weird in any way......
He says it would be more dangerous to open me up to find it than to let it be. I’m not a doctor but I’m not real sure about that......
Can not answer questions tonight.
Be back soon
Me
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