So...

I had a doctors appointment today to get my catheter removed to once again play the..... Can she or can’t she!?! Game. 

The issue is that my bladder is “asleep” ya, just the laziest organ in your body. Has a little surgery, a few slices here and there and can’t be bothered to work again. So when well meaning friends and family tell me to “ relax” or “ just do it” that has no effect on a sleeping lazy organ that is simply pouting like a small child. I can’t relax that sob into waking up. He has a timeline that only he knows( my organs are he’s?) and he’ll get to you when he’s god dammed ready.

I’ve gotten to a bar so low that I had to go to the restroom with no clothes on from the waist down with only that enormous paper towel they give you to go over your waist wrapped around me. I flew past the guy who was unfortunate enough to be fixing their computer system and on the way back with a tear streaming down my face, passed him again and I didn’t care

Bonus, my panic attacks have elevated to involve throwing up. Which I also did in front of him. Something tells me that he may not come back to that office.

So..... the question of the day????

I peed a minuscule amount which is still way better than nothing.

I got to chose between foley cath ( stays in) or SELF cath with involves a whole lot of shit that hurts.

I chose strait cath. 

The nurse grabs a mirror to help me navigate where the urethra is and she was going to teach me how.

This is not my first trip to the cath rodeo so I used my adult voice and asked “listen please give me a fighting chance to do these things on my own first before I fail and need you.”

She was ok with that. I closed my eyes, did some deep breathing, talked to MYSELF saying “ you got this. Muscle memory you know how to do this. Do it”

First time! Boom!

I’ll take my motherfucking Star now, thank you!

Then I barfed all over the nurse who was in a precariously low position in front of me and... I tried to warn her. I said

M: I have to stop. 

Her: Just a few more seconds

Me: I’m going to throw up

Her: just a few seconds

Barf

But as a silver lining, in this hospital is this incredible Italian restaurant! Josh had the best pizza I’ve ever had. I love thin thin crust, pepperoni, basil and cheese and this place rocked it!! The best Chicken Parm ever!! Who would have even imagined that? Oh, and they make homemade bread. Holy shit. I’m not even a bread eater and I could live on that bread. Silver lining!!

The husband bought a new truck and I drove that. The 17 year old boy and I played music that I used to listen to on repeat like, 4-5 years ago and literally haven’t listened to since and we were singing like a Baptist choir! :-)  

The boy and I had a great day which are few and far between these days. Everyone bitches about the terrible twos but no one ever mentions the terrorizing teens. 15,16,17.... the fucking worst!

But today..... blissful.

All in all, it was a great day. Now if I could pee!!!!

Ok, I’m going to have to get to questions and tell you guys about that pre-surgery medicine next time.

Isn’t this blog fun these days? Ugh.

Cattails to you,

Me