Hey.
I’m listen to Shooting Star by Bad Company as I write this first part. I still want to randomly pick songs on my playlist and choose the lyrics that touch me and why. Don’t let me forget....
I got my dad’s will.
I can’t write about it yet. I can’t find the words or even know if there are words to accurately describe my initial reaction/feelings. It came through my email about half way through my last podcast and I feel like anyone who really knows me will know the exact moment when I scanned it quickly. My “me” leaves the room or my podcast “me” at any rate. My mind hit the road and my heart curled up into a dark corner, knees up, arms wrapped around them, pushing its face into the curve between the knee caps.......
I eventually sent a text to Robb and wrote:
“ I need to wrap this up.... Now”
( current song : Bad Guy by Billy Eilish)
We often text during the podcast. Things like:
Keep talking. I have to pee.
I’m coughing brb
Have to get coffee!!
I have an appointment soon!!
But never : I have to go now. Period.
He was all.... “ok, yes, I’m done now. Good morning or night, whatever”When I asked “you feel done, Robb? All bases covered?”(30 minutes early)
And so we wrapped it up. I don’t think I plugged our merchandise.
We always call before and after a podcast and talk so when I called right after he was concerned about the abruptness.
( Drive by: Cars)
I just told him that I got the will and needed to stuff it into my mental box and lock it away for a minute. Also, I need to go sit in the dark and watch the rain storm with my knees pulled up to my chest.
( Please Come to Boston by : Dave Loggins)
Come hold my hand, look into my eyes, pull me on top of you and whisper.... It’s ok, Baby”
Loves,
Tracy
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