Thursday

 You wanna hear something gross? I mean… GROSS?

If you don’t, now is your time to click that X or skip down! 

My nurse is coming this morning. I have to have the bandage that covers my picc line changed 1-2 times per week. I NEVER look at the line going into my arm. Now the bandage itself is clear so I can see if it’s bleeding but around the tube they put a teeny tiny version of that thing that goes under hamburger or a roast in the package to do two things, one, it’s an antibacterial protector as a second line of defense after the bandage which sticks tightly against my arm and number two, soaks up any blood if it starts bleeding and keeps it contained to that area. Fun, right? So, I can’t see the tube entering my arm.

Phew! Anyway! I peaked last time and literally gagged. My skin is growing up around the tube and it looks like a tiny skin worm. 

Take your time, Sweety.

So I gag out a “oh hell no!” 

My nurse laughs and tells me that the skin will not “ grab” the tube when it’s taken out( hadn’t thought that far ahead.. GAG) and that it’s actually the body’s way of helping to keep the tube in place so it won’t accidentally get yanked out. I’ve had a nurse do that before, only a few inches, but it then HAS to be removed, it’s touched the air, and a new one inserted. 

I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m growing a tiny third arm. My son looked at it and said “ Eww, weird” Ya, weird is one word I guess.

I’m getting the dressing changed at 9 this morning. I am NOT gonna look.

This is the time of year that my depression starts seeping back in. January, in general, is the worst month of the year. It’s just a huge let down. But, because it’s still winter, that keeps it at bay pretty well. 

My shitty psychiatrist? Remember her? She’s been fired. Can’t say that I’m surprised nor saddened by the news. My psychiatrists drop like flies, don’t they? Is it me? Am I the drama?

Jo-sh and I used to race on Mario Kart a few years ago and it really helped my anxiety but for some reason we stopped. Now he has a whole computer gaming set up with the three monitors etc and a PlayStation, he rarely plays the PlayStation as “ Consoles aren’t as good as computer play”

However, last week he went hunting for his old Wii and hooked it up in the living room but it wouldn’t work, missing something. I knew why he wanted it hooked up. He knew we were having to put Mags to sleep and he wanted to hang out with me ( So sweet BTW). Anyway, the next day my husband was at work and I told him what I’ve just written here. He came home with a Switch and Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. I’ve been held captive. He is playing his depression away, I get it, I watched Shark Tank for three months straight, non stop, after my dad died. I’d never even seen the show before then! Therapy comes in many forms. Since December I’ve been watching Investigation ID. Nothing says relax and self care more than murders, I guess. 

And with that, I’m being summoned to race one more time, before he sleeps on the couch and I sleep on the recliner next to the couch. It’s good to know that I’m still needed once in awhile.

Luvs,

Me