HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

 A couple of q&a’s real quick…

1) Some version of “ you aren’t talking about your health stuff”

Ya, I think 💭 I’ve hit a wall with sharing ALL THE THINGS!! All the time and feeling kind of, I don’t know, empty about the feedback and irritated about the blowback. I’m doing well. 

2) Some version of “How are things with your kids?”

 The same. No contact with the older two. No contact with the grandkids and as heartless as it may sound, the longer it goes and the more sure I am that the grandkids don’t even remember us, the “easier” it gets because I know that they aren’t hurting or being hurt by missing us. I’m not sure that that is the desired effect but, my heart has been around the block and is way better at protecting itself these days. Don’t get me wrong, I have my BAD days. I recently had a day where I put away all pictures and art and toys that were for the kids and asked my husband to do something with them. I don’t want to see or feel them anymore. I only want decor and art that makes me happy. I don’t have vases and knickknacks that just hold space. Everything is where it is for a reason and the kid’s stuff makes me unhappy. It wouldn’t matter if they called today. I will never ever be able to unbuild the wall. I can never ever feel trust again. I’m done being the person that takes abuse and sweeps it under the rug or puts it in the drawer. My husband agrees, my therapist has taken a lot of time to help me to understand that that’s ok. 

Now, speaking of therapy! I bought some patent leather Doc Marten combat boots that make both my child self and adult self grin from ear to ear!!! So freaking cute with dresses! Omg. I’m in love!

Plus, the Christmas gift shopping has begun. I’m a good gift giver! I listen all year long and sometimes, I know what someone wants before even they do! That’s especially true for my husband and youngest boy who, when asked what they want, will always answer “ I don’t know” ugh! Then sit back and let me do this, I got your back!

I’m going to go. I’ve been forgetting to post here. I’m really busy but I’ll try and do better!

Me

Spooky month!

 I’m thisclose to being done with my 31 days of Halloween. I mean, I can almost touch the light at the end of the tunnel. This is the month that I cram 3-31/2 months of content into one month and while it’s fun, it takes a lot of work…. I’ll explain

1) research content

2) take notes

3) write script

4) narrate…. Which seems simple enough and usually it is but there are times where my mouth and brain refuse to work together.  Just this week I could NOT get one paragraph in two separate videos that I just could not get to come out…. After I’d gotten them done I went to see how many times I’d deleted those clips, I knew it would be a lot but I didn’t expect it to be a whopping 81 times!!!!!! TWO paragraphs!!! And the thing is, it gets worse the longer it takes. I get flustered. Crazy!

5) go listen second by second to catch a duplicate

6)go into my video app and piece together all the clips. Save that video. Go back and grab that saved video so I can edit a video with one continuous voice over.

7) go sentence by sentence so I can grab photos that are informative and relevant. It’s an average of 3-4 photos per minute - 2 minutes. So, let’s say it’s a short ten minute video, that could be 40 photos. 

8) edit the amount of time per video and how it will be presented, zoomed in, zoomed out, scanned up, scanned down etc..

9) save that video 

10) upload video to YouTube. 

11) finish the edit on YouTube.

Ten minute video can equal 2-3 hours of work. 

If it’s possible with including all relevant info I’m almost a magician at knowing when I hit the ten minute mark. It isn’t always possible though.

We made our Christmas plans a couple of months ago. We’d been planning to go to the Gay-lord but I came up with a four day Christmas extravaganza!! We will be doing that instead and as part of the idea I said that I’m gonna go balls to the walls on decorating our apartment so I’ve been buying Christmas decor for many many weeks!! I’m sure I’ll talk more about it later.

I have to go. I need to edit.

Thank you, Dear Bear, for the latest photo. 

Night guys,

Tracy 

SPOOKY MONTH!

 Is it not perfect out? Yes, it’s in the upper 80’s here but even then there’s a slight chill you can feel that means it’s fall and the 100 degree temps are gone. It’s cold at night, Texas cold, so like in the 50-60’s and that makes me so frigging happy!!!

We’re going to a concert on our green Friday, hitting up the British pub first and then taking dinner to the green to have a picnic. The weather could not be better for it. Also, I’m going to wear a shirt that I haven’t worn yet because I’m nervous… It reads “ Girls just wanna have FUNdamental rights!”  Look at me, being political in public!😬🫣

My 29th wedding anniversary is coming soon and that number is shocking me. You know, as in, if I’d been born all over again, I’d be married with two children by now. Can that be possible? Plus, this is weird, in all likelihood I won’t see another 29 years on this planet. I’m super freaked out about my age now. I think I hear the clock ticking! So many things that I didn’t do…. Yet!

I’ve been making videos like a crazy person but I unexpectedly ran into a bump. My iPad Pro would not, could not, refused to…. Save videos so that I could upload them to YouTube. I did every troubleshooting move in the world, I thought. I uploaded NINE THOUSAND photos to iCloud. I use a ton of pics for videos. I deleted any App that isn’t 100% necessary and on and on…. I didn’t delete and reload IMovie though…. Ya, it was taking up 97% of my available storage. As soon as I handed that girl over to the Apple guy he was all… “ Do you do a lot with videos? Delete this after you save anything you need” I’d already gotten rid of everything so I just deleted it, reloaded it and It’s a Miracle! 

I had a video taken off my channel for violating community guidelines and I got a strike against me. POUT. I was iffy about it too! In fact I was so iffy about it that I didn’t even monetize it! It was historical photos with gruesome backstories and there was one in particular that had me questioning my life skills and decision making ability. Should have gone with my gut! I was just thinking…. It’s Halloween! It’s SUPPOSED to be creepy! No, Girl, apparently there’s limits.

My mammogram was good. I knew it would be. I don’t carry the genes for it so felt pretty good going in.

I’m on a medication that was JUST approved, like three minutes ago, it takes time to work, like everything else I take, but it’s kicking my butt! I get soooo tired! Something you may not know about me is that I fucking treasure the feeling of being tired. Previous life experiences left me praying to fall asleep to skip the withdrawals that came after a certain kind of night had been had. Also I get insomnia sometimes but since my early EARLY 20’s I have vowed to never ever take the simple act of falling asleep for granted, and I do not! This is a weekly injection and then I go DOWN! Not complaining. 

I have to go. I’m swamped with narrating and editing. My God, the editing! It’s a fun month for me though!!

Night

Me

Halloween Day 3

 Ok, first! I had a mammogram last Thursday. I have been scared to death to get one done because everyone, and I do mean, everyone, complains about how much they hurt, zero pain over here. Not uncomfortable. Not traumatizing. Four pictures and I was done. They did give me a robe that looks exactly like a Jedi robe though which forced me to say a bunch of stuff about Jedi’s and my boobs and just nervous ramblings of a 13 year old boy, basically. …I know, I’m a child…. And that’s not even the embarrassing part!

So, the lady puts this tape across my nipples ( eww! I just wrote, nipples, on my blog!) and in the center of the tape is a snap like thing, like the mail end of a snap. Like a nipple taped to a nipple. Except, I didn’t see it. I mean, I knew she placed tape but I didn’t look at it and I forgot about it. She told me that I was done, I get dressed and we leave to go to dinner…. It was only 4:30pm so I’m officially old… and then we went to this resale boutique here on the island. It’s lovely. I was looking for gaudy jewelry ( more on that later) like I wanted some large chunky pieces to wear over the fall and winter, delicate things are more spring summer, anyway, I wanted things with character, not mass produced stuff from a clothing store. I walk around and grab several pieces, I find this massive dinnerware set that is gorgeous. I mean, hand painted beautiful. I look it up online, it’s $800 and this price tag reads… $65. I look online again… $800-$875 online. I practically started shaking as I say… “ I’ll take this” as casually as possible. I talk to the woman as the wraps 32 pieces individually. ( For the record, I’ve been looking for a large set to replace the mish mash set I have now that’s been through some kids, ya know? Like it’s time to grow up a little. We pay and leave, head to Sephora and shop there ( yes, I’m telling you this for a reason) and we go home. I go to get undressed, pass our mirror and to my utter horror and humiliation I see, clearly, that something is protruding through my bra, through my cute Halloween ( Sanderson sisters) shirt and I gasp. I look as though I’m in a blizzard and freezing cold. Like my nipples could cut glass… Like I forgot to take off the tape and what on earth is happening?! So I rip off my top and bra and see the snap-like buttons…. OMG. I have been in public! I have stood three feet from people. I have been walking around my Island. 

KILL ME. Now.

I yell for my husband and I’m mortified “ Why the fuck did you not tell me?! Like that’s 1/4 of your job! Is my hair ok, lipstick on my teeth? Smudged mascara? Pants unzipped? And…. FAKE NIPPLE PATROL!!!! And he says while laughing hysterically “ I didn’t notice!”

Thanks.

The good news? I bought a necklace that really looked spendy and not at all like I should be picking it up at a resale shop no matter how nice it is. It’s a rectangular link necklace. A lot of fine detail in the links. It has a silver stamp inside the link and so I know right away that it’s not new. It doesn’t have a 925 stamp. This is a jewelers mark. We take it to see if it might be worth something and I made three grand on a three dollar purchase!!!!!!  Stick with me kids, when I’m not a complete embarrassment, I’m a freaking genius!

Robb’s first question “ What are you going to do now?” I’m a bit confused because….. What does that mean? So he says “ Will you be selling it?” Um, an antique piece of silver jewelry? For $3,000? No? I’d pay that much for a rectangle link necklace at any upscale jeweler and it’s not even out of pocket. I’ll wear it. If I hadn’t been aware of jewelers marks I’d still think it was fake jewelry that someone’s grandma gave away. He thinks that I should sell it. For what? This has history! Craftsmanship! Am I weird? Would you guys sell it? My husband says, Keep it! I mean, it was almost free for me. An heirloom!  I don’t think I’m wrong….?

Have to run!

Night luvs

Tracy