Ok, first! I had a mammogram last Thursday. I have been scared to death to get one done because everyone, and I do mean, everyone, complains about how much they hurt, zero pain over here. Not uncomfortable. Not traumatizing. Four pictures and I was done. They did give me a robe that looks exactly like a Jedi robe though which forced me to say a bunch of stuff about Jedi’s and my boobs and just nervous ramblings of a 13 year old boy, basically. …I know, I’m a child…. And that’s not even the embarrassing part!
So, the lady puts this tape across my nipples ( eww! I just wrote, nipples, on my blog!) and in the center of the tape is a snap like thing, like the mail end of a snap. Like a nipple taped to a nipple. Except, I didn’t see it. I mean, I knew she placed tape but I didn’t look at it and I forgot about it. She told me that I was done, I get dressed and we leave to go to dinner…. It was only 4:30pm so I’m officially old… and then we went to this resale boutique here on the island. It’s lovely. I was looking for gaudy jewelry ( more on that later) like I wanted some large chunky pieces to wear over the fall and winter, delicate things are more spring summer, anyway, I wanted things with character, not mass produced stuff from a clothing store. I walk around and grab several pieces, I find this massive dinnerware set that is gorgeous. I mean, hand painted beautiful. I look it up online, it’s $800 and this price tag reads… $65. I look online again… $800-$875 online. I practically started shaking as I say… “ I’ll take this” as casually as possible. I talk to the woman as the wraps 32 pieces individually. ( For the record, I’ve been looking for a large set to replace the mish mash set I have now that’s been through some kids, ya know? Like it’s time to grow up a little. We pay and leave, head to Sephora and shop there ( yes, I’m telling you this for a reason) and we go home. I go to get undressed, pass our mirror and to my utter horror and humiliation I see, clearly, that something is protruding through my bra, through my cute Halloween ( Sanderson sisters) shirt and I gasp. I look as though I’m in a blizzard and freezing cold. Like my nipples could cut glass… Like I forgot to take off the tape and what on earth is happening?! So I rip off my top and bra and see the snap-like buttons…. OMG. I have been in public! I have stood three feet from people. I have been walking around my Island.
KILL ME. Now.
I yell for my husband and I’m mortified “ Why the fuck did you not tell me?! Like that’s 1/4 of your job! Is my hair ok, lipstick on my teeth? Smudged mascara? Pants unzipped? And…. FAKE NIPPLE PATROL!!!! And he says while laughing hysterically “ I didn’t notice!”
Thanks.
The good news? I bought a necklace that really looked spendy and not at all like I should be picking it up at a resale shop no matter how nice it is. It’s a rectangular link necklace. A lot of fine detail in the links. It has a silver stamp inside the link and so I know right away that it’s not new. It doesn’t have a 925 stamp. This is a jewelers mark. We take it to see if it might be worth something and I made three grand on a three dollar purchase!!!!!! Stick with me kids, when I’m not a complete embarrassment, I’m a freaking genius!
Robb’s first question “ What are you going to do now?” I’m a bit confused because….. What does that mean? So he says “ Will you be selling it?” Um, an antique piece of silver jewelry? For $3,000? No? I’d pay that much for a rectangle link necklace at any upscale jeweler and it’s not even out of pocket. I’ll wear it. If I hadn’t been aware of jewelers marks I’d still think it was fake jewelry that someone’s grandma gave away. He thinks that I should sell it. For what? This has history! Craftsmanship! Am I weird? Would you guys sell it? My husband says, Keep it! I mean, it was almost free for me. An heirloom! I don’t think I’m wrong….?
Have to run!
Night luvs
Tracy
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