HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

 A couple of q&a’s real quick…

1) Some version of “ you aren’t talking about your health stuff”

Ya, I think 💭 I’ve hit a wall with sharing ALL THE THINGS!! All the time and feeling kind of, I don’t know, empty about the feedback and irritated about the blowback. I’m doing well. 

2) Some version of “How are things with your kids?”

 The same. No contact with the older two. No contact with the grandkids and as heartless as it may sound, the longer it goes and the more sure I am that the grandkids don’t even remember us, the “easier” it gets because I know that they aren’t hurting or being hurt by missing us. I’m not sure that that is the desired effect but, my heart has been around the block and is way better at protecting itself these days. Don’t get me wrong, I have my BAD days. I recently had a day where I put away all pictures and art and toys that were for the kids and asked my husband to do something with them. I don’t want to see or feel them anymore. I only want decor and art that makes me happy. I don’t have vases and knickknacks that just hold space. Everything is where it is for a reason and the kid’s stuff makes me unhappy. It wouldn’t matter if they called today. I will never ever be able to unbuild the wall. I can never ever feel trust again. I’m done being the person that takes abuse and sweeps it under the rug or puts it in the drawer. My husband agrees, my therapist has taken a lot of time to help me to understand that that’s ok. 

Now, speaking of therapy! I bought some patent leather Doc Marten combat boots that make both my child self and adult self grin from ear to ear!!! So freaking cute with dresses! Omg. I’m in love!

Plus, the Christmas gift shopping has begun. I’m a good gift giver! I listen all year long and sometimes, I know what someone wants before even they do! That’s especially true for my husband and youngest boy who, when asked what they want, will always answer “ I don’t know” ugh! Then sit back and let me do this, I got your back!

I’m going to go. I’ve been forgetting to post here. I’m really busy but I’ll try and do better!

Me