Becoming Me.

 It’s been nearly two years since the Great Baby Cereal Debacle of 2021 and I can say, it’s been good for me. Would I rather have skipped it? Yes, for the grand babies and no for being given the space to learn how I can have boundaries. That has felt like a butterfly breaking out of a cocoon. I’ve come so far in feeling empowered and worthy in this last two years that I can barely recognize 2021 me. 

Yesterday, or, Tuesday, whenever I put this up, I had to meet my FIFTH psychiatrist in a YEAR! Now, I’m not changing docs. This is the same office. Docs are quitting. It might be me. I might be the problem 😉 There is nothing worse that meeting a new doc. You would think that on that particular profession they’d be the kindness people on the planet, you know? Like dealing with people on some of their worst emotional/ mental days. But, no. It’s a requirement to say dumb shit out of the gate. Test our resolve. Are you week and unstable or a fighter who’s been kinda fucked up.

Two minutes into my appointment, this doctor asks me about the amnesia candy and literally before I can answer she says… “ You need to learn some COPING SKILLS” 

2021 me would have been dumbstruck. Said nothing. Seethed about it for eternity. Maybe used a voodoo doll, who knows.

2023 me was dumbstruck. Then COMMUNICATED my feelings, sternly. I started by asking her “ What do you know about ME? I met you TWO minutes ago. I’ve got coping skills, believe me. I wouldn’t be talking to you today if I didn’t.” Then I went on to explain just how strong and capable I am and that I’m so so much more in control of being proactive rather than reactive and that some fucking times “Coping” to get through every fucking day is exhausting and debilitating and if she made that flippant comment one day to someone holding on by their fingernails they my just “ cope” by fucking all the way off this planet. 

I might not be a licensed psychiatrist but god damnit I’m a two semester psychiatrist and even I know that was stupid as hell.

Right after that, because it was a snow day here in these parts, we went to see Avatar, 3/10, stay home, stream it. But it was good for getting my mind off that woman.

Went to a doc appointment. My elbow is not healing super well but it looks cool so that’s a bonus. Slowly but surely I’m getting taken off medications. So far, so good! My doc is fantastic.

Gotta go…. Oh, I forgot to address snowbirds!!! Next time. I’ve got thoughts….

Night! Me