AUGUST

 August is my favorite month of the year. It’s the month  that expectations can run their highest. There’s no holiday pressure and your football team hasn’t lost a game yet, but, you can call it nearly fall if you want and we’ve started seeing the leaves barely changing color. October is when the countdown hits hard and I don’t like it. It’s like knowing that the drugs are only gonna last until they’re gone and December is the month that feeling of panic takes over for me. I can’t just enjoy the high/anticipation/holidays because my brain is set on “ it’s going too fast and then it will be over and I’ll be in the season of depression again…”

This is how my brain works. What a freak. 

So even though it’s almost fall we skipped the concert at the green last week and this weekend because as we were exiting the elevator Saturday around 7:30 pm we got face punched by the heat… 107 degrees. 

I literally started to get back in the elevator when JD suggested we go out to dinner instead and I needed to go in a Sephora run so we did that instead. Ah, A/C, you magnificent black magic, you. 

The om’s baby had open heart surgery last week. I struggled mightily with panic attacks. Sometimes the things locked in the box slither out like pipe smoke and slowly encircle the part of my soul that tries to stand tall against the enemy like steel Christmas nutcrackers and they bend under the pressure as the smoke turns into boa constrictors, tightening their grip and there’s nothing that I can do but feel them bend and twist and snap. My body shakes uncontrollably. The white noise in my head gets too loud and I can’t make myself think of anything else but the pain of the crushing sensation. 

I went into “ emergency mode” and bought Tommy Chong gummies ( they’re legal in Texas) to take the edge off. I took four, waiting two hours until I couldn’t understand Moana anymore and put in my AirPods, turned up my music and floated away. It helped for several hours and my soul rested just enough…. 

That’s how it goes. Music, I love how you can travel through time and even feel and smell the sensations associated with certain songs or artists. 

Thanks to a bear for the drone shot. Keep the pics coming. I miss a bear. 

Gotta go. 

Chicks can’t hold their smoke,

Tracy