Part Four!!! Phew! This chick can talk!

Ya. I choked.

I have been wrestling with Whether or not I wanted to finish this conversation. I do really well at the “that was then” part of things but not that great at the “this is now” end. I know, you think, ‘seriously? There are subjects that make YOU uncomfortable talking about?’ Ya, pretty much anything that is currently affecting my life or going through my head or about me. In general. In all honesty, I don’t feel smart enough....I was going to say to be a writer, or to write here or anywhere, but I think all that sentence needs is a period.

I don’t feel smart enough.

Or funny.

Or engaging, endearing, lovable, quirky, oddly fascinating, pretty or pretty much anything really positive. 

I’m telling you, this new blog is gonna blow past the other one in ways you won’t see coming. 

Yes, I could blame all of that on any number of incidents in the past but who cares? It’s here now. I have to fight with my own brain about this stuff now. 

And don’t we all on some level? Do you think you’re pretty enough or intelligent enough or the best at anything? If you do, then good for you, Bro. You take that Superego and run with that. I’m still over here trying to get my ID figured out. (Psych 101. You could all know that in 30 minutes or less. Not a sign of intelligence.) I know it’s psych 101 because not only did I take French for some someone BUT for someone else I took their Psych 101 for two semesters. I’m practically a psychiatrist now. Feel free to let me diagnose you. Send $50 to my PayPal and I’ll tell you what mental illness you have. 

Why did I veer off that far?

Anyway, the actual point of this is to dive right in:

Quakerism:

Quakers, also called Friends, are a historically Christian group whose formal name is the Religious Society of Friends or Friends Church.[2] Members of the various Quaker movements are all generally united by their belief in the ability of each human being to experientially access the light within, or "that of God in every one"

Around 11% of Friends[12] practice waiting worship, or unprogrammed worship (more commonly known today as Meeting for Worship), where the order of service is not planned in advance, is predominantly silent, and may include unprepared vocal ministry from those present.

98% are now evangelical in denomination and I want no part of that sect.

Quakers first introduced many ideas that later became mainstream, such as democracy in the Pennsylvania legislature, the Bill of Rights to the U.S. Constitution from Rhode Island Quakers, trial by jury, equal rights for men and women, and public education. Even the Liberty Bell itself was cast by Quakers.

as John Wilhelm Rowntree and Edward Grubb, supported Darwin's theories, adopting a doctrine of progressive revelation with evolutionary ideas.in the United States Joseph Moore taught the theory of evolution at the Quaker Earlham College as early as 1861[55] and was probably one of the first teachers in the Midwest to do so.[56] Acceptance of the theory of evolution became more widespread in those Yearly Meetings, which moved toward liberal Christianity in the 19th and 20th centuries.

The top tenants of being that 11% kind of Quaker is that they discourage Evangelizing in any way.

Everyone deserves a second chance.

No one person is greater than another. Therefore they do no have a pastor, preacher, priest etc.... they sit in a circle quietly contemplating their thoughts, their ideas and feeling the fellowship of gathering with likeminded people. If one feels compelled to speak, they stand up, say what’s in their mind/on their heart and sit down. No one is required to respond but you may stand and speak to the idea of what was heard. There’s no arguing. Everyone can have their own opinion. 

They vote of everything from the business of the church to how they’ll celebrate the next holiday. Everything is put up to vote. “Leaders” people in the position of being the secretary  or book keeper are voted on every few months because being in a leadership position for too long can be corrupting.

They abstain from war.

They have “rules” but they are to be thought of as merely suggestions and guidelines as you are an intelligent being able to navigate what is right or wrong for yourself.

They support gay marriage. 

They believe in being charitable without telling others. I completely land here. If you do a good deed and brag about it then it was out of selfishness and you don’t get a point for that. 

They acknowledge that most, if not all, Christian holidays are actually ripped off pagan traditions and they celebrate knowing that, Meh, we’re using Pagan Traditions as our own so our own holidays are actually paganism and there’s nothing wrong with that. So what? Admit it. It’s a fact. Don’t lie to yourself and others. Where’s the Christmas tree, Yule log, mistletoe etc etc... bring on the Easter Eggs ( symbol of fertility) also, Spring Solstice... it’s lovely!

It’s kicked back, go at your own pace, be kind to others, don’t force religion down anyone’s throat, let’s get together and share a common goal. Finding peace in ourselves and caring about how other humans feel.

And yada yada yada

I love the concept. I love not having a pastor. I love being accepted unconditionally.

There is a Friend Gathering here in Dallas which is handy.

So, that’s the thing. I’m not sure what I’ll do. I’m excruciatingly shy! But, in growing comes some sense of being uncomfortable. I’m good with that. 

Ok that’s the end of this little ditty about Jack and Dianne.... others it known as: Tracy thinks weird shit!

Night!

Tracy

Three Days in a Row? Part 3

Embarrassing 

I went for many years without church. 

Instead, the people who sat in a barstool night after night became my family. They were the people who accepted me. They were the people who cared. They were my community. The ones who would give my son quarters to keep him occupied if I had to bring him to work with me on a Saturday afternoon. Who would drive tractors to the bar parking lot to entertain my son. Who paid to fix my cars. Who collected money in a jar to buy me drinks and who crammed into the bar on the night of my 21st birthday, standing room only, to watch me die of embarrassment when the stripper came. They took me to the grocery store when they knew I didn’t have a working car and bought chains for my tires in the snow when I did. They called themselves my dad to keep skeevie guys away and kept a seat for me on the nights that I’d stay after work. 

I learned an important lesson about people during those times. Christianity didn’t make someone a good person. Empathy, fellowship, kindness and love don’t have to come from in between the walls of a church, in fact, I hadn’t found those things in the church when I needed them most. I found them in the hearts of the people sitting on barstools because those people had been through some shit and didn’t feel superior to the guy sitting next to them.

Yes, there was a sense of superiority when sitting in a pew. Yes, walking into a restaurant at 12:15 on a Sunday afternoon ( If the pastor hadn’t gone past his allotted speaking time!! You start glaring at him around 11:45. I’m serious.) in your church clothing has a sense of superiority to it. Being born into my family, a real sense of superiority. 

A bar at 7pm, not so much. At 1am, even less.

My grandparents harped on me to attend church. It’s what I needed since I’d veered off the expected and required standard and had brought profound shame into my family. I too was told to go to California to be on TV and apologize for my sin of having a child out of wedlock. 

I declined.

I didn’t need church. I had found the community that I needed.

Moving on, I got married, had another child and my mother, aunt, grandmother and cousins began to attend a church, AoG, not far from where we lived and I was pressured into going.

Every single Sunday I walked out pissed off and resentful. I hated the sermons. I hated the judgement. I hated that we were immediately taken in as insiders and the youth pastor beat his pregnant wife, the secretary was having an affair with a deacon and a missionary stole money from the church. And that was all before the pastor told my mother to refuse a heart transplant because he’d had a dream that God would heal her.

He didn’t.

And the pastor charged our family to perform her funeral.

And during that funeral he changed the wording of something that I’d written to be read because it wasn’t Christian enough.... AKA I hadn’t gotten much better at the Bible speak.

That was it for me. I ran away from organized religion.

It’s embarrassing to me to call myself a Christian now. Today I see Christian’s support the least Christian President we’ve ever witnessed. They turn themselves into pretzels to find a way to support a man who goes against everything they are suppose to stand for.

Godliness 

Faithfulness 

Truthfulness 

Respectfulness

Kindness

Charity 

Forgiveness 

Humbleness 

Thankfulness 
CHRIST

They raise their fists in the air as he mocks women and the disabled. As he cages children and speaks hatefully about shit as insignificant as the Oscar winning movie. Every single attribute I’ve listed he doesn’t possess and if you’re not a Christian and you love that guy because he lacks all those things then you do you. You go, Girl. But as people who call themselves CHRISTIAN it’s shameful and I don’t want to be boxed in with them.

I’m embarrassed. 

If it’s ever brought up I say .... I’m not THAT kind of Christian and people nod because they know what I mean and that’s embarrassing too. 

So, I’ve been on this.... search, I guess, for where I belong. What path is the path for me?is there a hole that I fit in as a square peg?

Is there a Christian sect that has empathy and respect and kindness, because I feel angry a lot these days and I just hate it. It’s not me. I’m an empath. You tell me your story and who hurt you and you won’t cry alone. In my opinion, empathy is the single most important quality to possess as a human being. Being empathetic to others would solve all those issues that we fight about. Listen to their story. Hear what they hold dear. Feel, for a few seconds, what they feel, and we’d all understand so much more. Is there a place like that for me? Is there a church community that doesn’t shove their interpretation of the Bible down your throat? That allows room to think and question and doubt? That’s a hard ask, right? It’s difficult these days to sit next to a stranger on a bench with the same newspaper and be able to ask for an open minded conversation without an opinion shoved down your throat, let alone the Bible. 

And.... as it turns out, there is...... 

I was watching a video that had nothing to do with religion. I was struck by the person’s spirit. They were funny and charming and graceful and kind and off handedly they mentioned their religious sect.... which I hadn’t even realized was a branch of Christianity. She began saying a couple of things about it and then moved on. It was nothing earth shattering. She wasn’t evangelizing, in fact, the number one requirement of this branch is to never evangelize. So, I began to study it. 

It feels like the hole my peg fits into. I told my family who all had the same basic reaction... Huh? What?

Ok? Weird.

And then I just asked that they take a look. See what they think. Do they see a fit? Do they think I looked a bit too hard? 

Weeks later my YM’s called to tell me that she wants to join this branch. Not only does she want to join this branch, but her boyfriend does as well and they immediately felt it was right for them. They looked into it, they love the way they practice, how they believe, what’s important to them and what’s not and the fact that they go out of their way to not judge. 

So..... my next blog will be about that and if I’ll take the leap or stick my toe in and how strange that feels to me. 

We still drinking on a blanket under the stars? Because I love that. Stay sitting down. We will solve the problems of the world and high five ourselves. 

Luv the moon this time of year,

Tracy

Part 2:

Angry:

Why does it make me angry? 

( ps: I’m writing this on my phone and there will be errors because the way I write is to type as fast as the words come to my head and to flush it out of my brain. Then, I’m too lazy to bother to go back and correct much. Autocorrect will change words and spelling and I’m mentally spent by the time my brain races through my thoughts to pour them into a page in my notes and so, I let it go. You should see my stories. My God, they look like English is my third language. It’s a mess but guess what? That’s why writers have editors and no one pays me to edit so, believe me when I tell you that the errors you catch here look like a dictionary compared to my actual writing. Sorry... detour)

Anyway.... there’s a reason, whooo boy, there’s reasons, so let’s start at the beginning....

A long long time ago I was born into Christianity. But, not just any Christianity. And if you’re confused by what that means let me explain something to you that you might not be aware of.

Not all Christian churches are the same or even teach the same or even believe the same.

It’s true.

Christianity is divided into Western and Eastern Theology. Then there are seven branches of of these two divisions: 

Catholicism 

Protestantism 

Eastern Orthodoxy

Oriental orthodoxy

Angelicism 

Assyrian

Restoration

The Protestant Sect alone has broken off into several branches which are mainly:

Catholic 

Baptist

Congregationalists

Lutherans

Methodists

Pentecostals

Presbyterian 

And those seven branches each have many offshoots of them and on and on

I was born into the Pentecostal Branch and more specifically, Evangelical.

My grandparents founded an Evangelical Branch called The Assemblies of God Church

( You’ve likely seen one every mile or so and I’ve never spoken of which church they founded before) The Assemblies of God is likely the largest branch of the Evangelical sect. 

My great aunt and uncle founded The Church of the Nazarene. Specifically the first one in my hometown. 

My other great aunt and uncle founded a church in California that was one of the very first Televangelist churches.

I was not just born into Christianity, I was born into Christian “Royalty” and therefore had a strict standard to hold. A standard that I did hold until I was old enough to see the light coming through the cracks.

I attended church twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday.

I was in a Christian Girl Scout Troupe held in my church.

I was in the Youth Group and my father was the teacher.

I only socialized with these groups of friends and most of one group belonged to the other. 

I was in choir. 

I fasted while being locked inside our church for 48 hours.

I attended several Christian summer camps and family camps throughout the PNW every summer.

I adored Bible Speak but even when deeply immersed in the culture I was unable to speak it myself. I didn’t understand why when it came so easily to every single person I knew.

I loved my upbringing.

I loved my church friends. I loved going to church. I loved church clothes and Patent leather shoes with buckles.

I loved camp. I loved it. Church was my social life. Church was my family.

I attended three churches on a regular basis.

First Assembly of God that my Grandparents made their home church. It was on Indiana street in my hometown.

I was treated like a princess. 

Open Bible which was where my cousins went and was practically on the property of North Central High-school back then. I went so often with my cousins that the church stopped calling me a visitor and just called me a member. It’s since moved twice up north of the city.

And Colbert Chapel which is self explanatory.

We knew all the hiding spots in the church and we’d play hooky from Sunday school sometimes. We didn’t consider ourselves children, I mean, seriously, people! 

I loved hymns and still do.

Church was safe for me until it wasn’t and it wasn’t ever unsafe per se, it’s just that when you’re so close to the inner workings of an organization you can see and hear, even as a child, that the magic might not be real. That pastors wives have affairs with boys in group homes and leave their families and Sunday school teachers can beat their wives or children. That prominent married members have affairs. That people are just people and everyone is human but.... wait a minute.... weren’t they telling us what was ungodly while they were shtooping the nursery school teacher? Weren’t you preaching about sins while stealing money from the church? Why are these things being kept quiet from the congregation? To protect the people or the church? Why can’t they be told and the perpetrators ask forgiveness like you tell us to do? 

Once a shimmer of light breaks through you can see all the cracks.

My second cousin got pregnant in college, married the man, but has to go onto her father’s Televangelist Sunday service to confess her sins... And she did it.

The pastor at Colbert Chapel became furious at family camp when a child threw a water balloon at him and so to retaliate he picked up a metal bucket and beat her with it.... As all of us children stood and watched until my dad and another member tackled him.

I skipped church that day and instead sat in the cab of a truck that was owned by my best friend Keri’s brother and we listened to Eddie Murphy’s Raw.

I was teased relentlessly at the age of 12 because I was going through puberty... by the girls in my cabin at church camp... my lifelong friends.

I stopped seeing church as a shiny thing to be treasured and a burden to be carried.

Not going wasn’t an option. There was that standard.

The girls I’d grown up with in my cousin’s church began to stop being friends with me. Yes, they were best friends with my cousin and therefore tolerated me but I was always left alone. Years later I realized that that was because my cousin was jealous of me. I was thin and she wasn’t. They boys at church paid attention to me and even though that made no difference to me, to her it did. Her friends didn’t like me because she was making me the enemy for just being. I was a Tom boy who raced bikes and played sports, she was such a girly girl that she was practically a walking vagina. Just a real boring lump of girl. No, I didn’t want to have tea parties all day. My make cousin, her brother, had a half pipe outside! Let’s skateboard! 

The same thing began to happen with all the girls I’d been friends with at church. 

Then one evening I came bouncing in to church on Wednesday night. Same as always and the pastors daughter was fake crying on the floor. We weren’t friends. She was two years younger than me. But all of my friends were gathered around her being all concerned while she sniffled “oh, never mind. I’m fine. No really. “ which is like throwing chum into shark infested water because it causes the female species to feel sorry for you and with that sorry comes a feeling of protection for this poor thing and as I stood at the outside of the circle wondering what on earth could be causing such drama that it was pulling in girls who had never paid her the time of day before she said..” sniff... ok.... don’t be mad” “ oh, we’re not mad!! What’s wrong?”

“Tracy is coming tonight and I just don’t like her. “ sniff sniff

And no one knows I’m standing there and they start... “ I’m so sorry. Don’t worry, we will hang out with you. Don’t worry”

And I’m flat out befuddled. I’ve never spoken three words to her. Two years age difference when you’re 15 is a LOT of difference and she had her group of friends and why she was there when she wasn’t even in our youth group and why are MY lifelong friends acting like they totally get it and by the way it’s her dad who beat one of these girls..... 

I stood there feeling like church was the least church like place at that moment and she saw me, ran off and my friends followed her. 

One year later I was shunned by my church because I was pregnant. My grandparents erased me from their family pictures. My aunt and cousins stopped speaking to me. 

My friend Keri was killed in a brutal car accident and I wondered... why her and not me? She was a bible speaker bound for bible college to be a missionary and I was....

Not that.

So, I walked away. 

From religion as as far as I could see, it was tainted by the people in it. It had left me and I was leaving it.

But I still prayed every night. Every night. 

I didn’t stop missing having a community

Which is where we are heading next...

Longing for community.

I guess this is going to be more than two parts!

Tracy 

Religion.... Getting Deep, Let’s talk...

Religion

Being religious

Let’s talk about religion, shall we? This is going to take one or two posts. This is what I love doing. I wish we could take a blanket, grab some alcohol, sit under the stars and have a huge deep conversation without judgement or fear and really get to feel each other in the parts that people feel they can’t talk about with others. Just delve into religion and political beliefs( Not to be confused with political parties) and marriage and war and humanity and what kindness looks like and who hurt you and how can I help and laugh, cry, hug and connect in a powerful, intelligent way.  That’s perfection to me.

I have a certain amount of what can only be referred to as anger towards organized religion.  You might have noticed.

I try not to. I really do. But, I’ll confess, when I read or hear  “Church Speak” my skin crawls

If you’re not familiar with church speak, turn on a Televangelist and listen to them pray.

Oh, Lord God Our blessed father, we stand before thee today and ask that you show us your divine wisdom, Lord. Lord, we ask that you reveal to each one of us, your beloved followers, Lord, what your righteous path is before us,Lord, knowing that we can not know what your plan is,lord, but lead us to follow you through your written word, oh lord, so that we may trust in you, our great Heavenly Father, so that all things glorify you, lord, through sickness and struggles, let us know lord that you have the only vision of what we need, Lord, that we must trust that our trials and tribulations are in your plan and we shall glorify you lord even in our darkest hours, lord.... etc etc.... then pass around the “plate” for tithing to continue the work of god through the church and then listen to a sermon which is an interpreted version of the pastor of the Bible and based on how to preach without offending the adulterers, the liars, the remarried congregants, the lusters, the faithless and the hypocrite and instead turn your eyes towards the “others” those who are gay, science and even medicine in some cases. Justify your fear of the others and “facts” and brush off your questions with “ pray” and “faith”

Amen.

They use the world Lord a real whole lot. They tell you that bad things come from satan and good from God. As though God is stronger than Satan but he lets him get his fair share too and you’re suppose to glorify God as it’s god’s plan for you that you’re going through whatever it is your going through while at the same time blaming satan, which if people took just one second to think about they’d say.... wait a minute.... so God let satan kill my child in a car accident? But we are not suppose to blame God? We’re suppose to blame satan? 

God, who is all powerful only gets praise for good things and takes no credit for the bad? So..... along those lines, how powerful is God again? He can but he won’t prevent evil? Or evil is in his plan for you and the way you accept that and still cling to God is the “lesson” you are to learn?

To this day, I still struggle to understand this. In my humble opinion, searching for God, rolling the idea around, asking the questions until you yourself come to a conclusion, bringing it in, spitting it out, reaching into your mind, heart, soul and seeing for yourself what you learn, value, trust and believe is the only true way to turn towards a religion. You must question, disbelieve, wonder, touch, think and, maybe this takes a lifetime. Maybe you slowly grown into your path like a vine. Maybe you come to a belief that there is no God. There are so many levels between Atheist and Believer that it’s impossible to put people into boxes. 

I believe in God because I believe in Science. I know, you don’t hear that often right? I believe that it’s immensely difficult to get and stay pregnant. That pregnancy goes against everything our body has set up to survive and yet it allows this invader to not only stay but to thrive! 

I believe in God because there are fish that have never seen the light of day yet use a light at the end of their body’s fishing pole to catch other fish! 

I believe in God because if I was walking in the woods and came across a pile of stacked rocks I’d know that someone put them there so why would I look at the butterfly and not think the same?

Most people are born into their religion. If you’re a Christian, let’s say.... in fact let’s say you’ve never seen the inside of a church or at least since you were a child, maybe your cousin’s wedding, you can’t name a Bible verse to save your life and you think there are Ten Commandments but uh.... though shalt not lie.... though shalt not... uh, respect your parents? If you are asked on the census this year what your religion is you will check... Christian. Why? Because you sing Come All Ye Faithful once a year and your kids go to Bible camp for a few hours a day for a week at the local Baptist church and your parents are Christian and your grandparents etc...

If we were born and raised with an empty religious slate with absolutely no influence what would you choose then? 

It’s profound to me when an adult converts to a completely different religion. Say from a Jew to a Christian. Not just one of the many different Christian sects, although, even then, that can be a huge leap if you go from Baptist to Jehovah’s Witness. I mean, that’s like trading in your ticket to heaven for a one way ticket to Cult Town Hell, Ever-after. In the eyes of a Baptist.That is choosing Faith. That is bravery in the face of losing everything you know. Saying that you are a religion because you put up a Christmas Tree or light a menorah or know parts of the Koran. Doesn’t lead you to God. You have not chosen. One must doubt to choose. One must question to choose. One can not be born into a choice. You must choose on your own.

Look, are we drunk yet? Grab another bottle of something, we might be getting somewhere.

Then, if we’re honest, there’s the embarrassment of choosing a religion. What if my friends or family are all atheists and they think I’m weak or stupid? They’re gonna say that I’m brainwashed. God is an imagination friend in the sky. Prayers are worthless and so fucking pretentious! How dare you tell someone in the midst of a tragedy that you’ll tell some invisible fairytale and he’ll ( or she’ll) help them? Should that make them feel better? 

So maybe we don’t say that we’ll pray for you or maybe we don’t give credit to God. It can feel embarrassing. We can admit that.

Some people don’t believe in God. Guess what? That’s ok. That’s not a crime. That’s their option and you don’t have to feel shame for feeling differently. But oh, I hate it when in a group of people the Church Speak comes out. Everyone gets squishy and awkward and that person is saying that they are going to trust God’s plan and listen to what their heart says. Pray about it and listen to God.

Guess what? I hate it that I hate it!!! I do! I’m physically incapable of saying that to a group of people. Like, my mouth won’t form those words and a few months ago, when all this pee stuff started I began to wonder why I can’t say those things. Why I roll my eyes at hearing them and why it actually makes me 

ANGRY

I know. Anger feels like a bit much, right? But I do. I just want to walk away with my eyes rolled back to my spine and think... oh my god. You sound like a fucking idiot. Ugh, shake it off my body like the words were powdery and fell onto my clothes... just.... stop with your “ I’m a Christian” bullshit.

Ya. I do that. I wrote here four weeks ago that I was gonna let this bladder stuff go and give it to God and I deleted it like four times. I felt embarrassed about saying that which got my brain churning again about why?

Why?

That will be coming in my next post. I hope you guys like this little series. I want to do more sitting under the stars conversations with, hopefully, open minds and just talk and share how my crazy brain thinks. 

Night luvs,

Tracy

Written on my phone.... Sorry!

Hi!

Let’s catch up....

1. I’m riding 10 miles per day. I’d say that bike riding and swimming are the ONLY forms of exercise that I LIKE to do. Swimming starts in like 3 months.... I’m not swimming in the cold and rain. I’m funny like that.
2. It looks as if I’ll have two surgeries coming up. I can’t pee. Think of it this way... I had surgery right after Halloween and it’s past Valentines Day. Ya. That puts it into perspective doesn’t it?  And my anemia has finally managed to get my spleen to want to take a hike and for an organ that we don’t really need it hurts like a bitch... and.... feels like it gets stuck in your rib cage which is nasty! So, I might get to say goodbye to my spleen. It’s been a good spleen. I’ll miss her.
3. I’ve been invited to be an Amazon Influencer which means that everything I buy and like I put in a list and put my Amazon Influencer link and anything that’s purchased off of my link I get a percentage of. The program is through social media “Influencers” mostly so I was a little/lot shocked to be asked!!! This is what’s good about being a niche topic. It’s pretty cool.
4. Can I get on my soap box for a second? Ok, here we go.... WTF is wrong with the flooring manufactures that nothing gets better than a 15th century dirt floor? Oh sure! There are choices. Carpet, wood, tile, not wood etc but do any fucking one of these things do anything but attract dirt, dog hair, allergens, some white powdery stuff that might be dander(?), and God knows what else? No!!! If you don’t have carpet and you vacuum or sweep one morning, that fucking floor is gonna need to be swept or vacuumed again by evening! I hate hate and loathe fucking flooring. And carpet? For God’s sake. That just nestled all that shit up in the fibers. It can not be worse for allergies. I don’t believe it when you can walk across a wood floor 8 hours after cleaning and look like that dusty kid in Charlie Brown! Here is my idea.... let’s do better, my friends!!!! Why not put venting in baseboards for a central vacuum idea that literally sucks shit off your floor all day and night long. Yes, it’s an expensive initial investment, much easier for new builds, but so what!?!?!? The time, stress and energy invested in keeping these floors clean is worth it!!!! Why haven’t we come any further than the dark ages when it comes to keeping floors clean? And as a side note, why in 2020 can we still not use metal in microwaves? Dear God, some things just never move forward and you guys thought we were going to have flying cars! We can’t keep floors clean! 
5. Sorry about that. Im weaning off my anti-depressant and on to a new one and it makes me rough around the edges.
6. We took YM and her boyfriend to dinner for her birthday and we had a great time. She really is sunshine on a cloudy day. Yes, she has her moments where I could put her up for adoption but overall, she’s just comfortable like a nice bathrobe. I did her makeup before we went and gave her the options of A) Sunset or B) Bird as the color choices and she chose sunset to make her baby blues stand out and I was pretty fucking proud of myself, if I must say so myself. She was a stunning sunset. I am loving playing with colors that I wouldn’t normally use. On me, I went boring nudes but that was because I was juggling doing us both and nudes I can do with my eyes closed. Hers was fun. We bought a cake from Nothing Bunt Cake which is my go to cake bakery and I had one half of a Midori Margarita and gave the other half to her boyfriend. Here’s a heads up, pissed off Spleens don’t care for booze. Isn’t that just some bullshit?

Kids, I must be going. I have a meeting to attend and then I’ll probably feel like I don’t have enough oxygen in my blood and that forces me to rest a bit. Then!!!! I have something exciting planned for tonight and I might be writing about that soon!!

Luvs!

Tracy

Free Bird

And a one and a two...

It’s been so rainy here in the last couple of weeks and there’s still more to come. That makes me happy as a little clam! Other than the year we nearly flooded out to The Gulf of Mexico, I don’t remember this much rain. It’s not flooding though which is great because I don’t enjoy a good snake.nope.

So, where I live has been renovating the lighting in the parking garages. That means that for a few weeks the garages where pitch black at night and of course, with that comes people breaking into cars. Even on the top floor which is surrounded by apartments and even with the security driving around..So, on our little FB page the complaining was rampant and frankly, more valid than complaining that the garbage valet hadn’t come by 10pm, or that people heard the valet getting their garbage. “Holy shit! You heard them! Off with their heads!! “ I like to hear them out there. It makes me feel even safer knowing that there’s people walking the halls. Anyway, about a week ago the lights were ready and that night when they came on the management must have had their limit of complaints because they lit the place so it could be seen from the moon. They clicked on and I laughed so hard that my eyes watered! I called my husband to our window and asked “ when did we move over a car dealership? Or is it a baseball stadium?” There is a beam from the garages that goes up to the sky, it’s so bright! That is my type of humor. Bravo. Hand me some sunglasses.  Tonight they dimmed them a bit. So disturbing. I like it when the peoples get so mad about stuff.

This week we’re having “Tennent Appreciation Week” where all week long we get gifts from the surrounding businesses and a Catered Happy Hour. Appreciate Me, Baby!! I’ll take that Kendra Scott necklace too, thank you very much!

My YM’s Birthday is Valentines Day. She’ll be 22. 22 years after she was born I asked my husband and oldest son if either one of them realized this:

YM’s middle names are 1) the female version of my husband’s middle name, Danielle and # 2: my mother’s middle name.

Now, think about this.... my husband’s middle name is Daniel. 

AND at the time, my mother’s husband, his name is Daniel, Dan, as well, AND my little brother’s middle name is Daniel and I ALWAYS called him by his first AND middle names. Always. 

But did it ever occur to me in 22 years that that made four people in my close family, back then, with the same freaking name??? No. Not even once did that occur to me... it did not occur to ANYONE!!! I was talking to Robb and I went... Wait a minute... I think I just realized something so stupid! 

And she has my mother’s middle name as well.

I can’t talk my kids into using my name to save my life. There I was using everyone’s name. And my dad’s middle name is James and without realizing that it’s my husband’s FIRST name, my dad thinks the youngest boy is named after him. 

Bonus, my dad had a goat named Mi-Ya. Which I had completely forgotten. So they also think we named her after their goat.

And it took us MONTHS to come up with names. Idiots. The whole lot of us.

I’m watching a Lynyrd Skynyrd documentary and it’s making my heart heavy. Doug loved them and the song played for him memorial video was Free Bird. The Doc is called “If I leave here tomorrow” I can only watch it in chunks. 

On that happy note!! I have to go. My allergies are going nuts!

Night,

Tracy