I wish...

I wish that I had the ability to find the words to write something profound about everything that’s going on right now.

The only thing I can do is picture my own sons driving a car, walking down the street, maybe even using a fake $20 bill, I have experience in that area see, my husband once went to the bank, got a couple of hundred dollar bills and immediately went to a store to grab some things for a trip. The cashier kept the bill and called the police. The police asked him where he’d gotten the bill and he explained. The police called the bank. My husband was let go and asked to come back to the bank so they could “ make things right” they gave him a different $100 bill. That’s all and he went on his way with his neck still intact.

My om worked in a bank for years and saw lots of fake $20’s. They’d call the FBI, give the customer a replacement $20 and all was good.

I think of feeling fear every time my son left my home and what that would feel like. Last year at around midnight my son went for a walk around our Island and found a Corn Hole game that had been left by someone earlier. He started to play. Five employees of the British pub restaurant had closed for the evening and were sitting on the patio enjoying the summer night. One called out to my son “ hey, are you a resident here?” And my son told him that he is and asked if he should leave. The guy said “ No problem, Man, security will be around and they’ll just want to check your fob. Thought I’d give you a heads up” Ok, my son replied and around 2am the Island security did drive by the little park area. My son was playing his music and sitting by the creek. The security had his window rolled down and waved at my son who waved back. The Island is surrounded by shops. Many are more exclusive in nature and here was a kid with a head full of crazy curls, shorts, t-shirt and slides. Nothing different than other kids wear except it was late at night. He came in sometime later and said that he’d been worried that security would think he was up to no good. I off handedly cracked “ Naw, you’re white” 

Imagine that. How embarrassing to take that for granted. He could have been stopped and shown his fob which is the ONLY way to get in here and that would have seemed reasonable to me.... But he wasn’t.

The next day we were at the British place and that guy, a server, stopped by, he said “I told the security that you were out there playing Corn Hole before I left and told him that you live here.”  We thanked him.

Thanked him for what though? Telling the cop that my kid couldn’t be up to no good because he lives in an exclusive Island community that you can’t enter unless you have the fob. White kids don’t vandalize?  He got a free pass from even being asked “what’s up?” 

The server was black. I suppose that was his instinct to tell security. He knew it would be different if it were him and that my son would get a pass.

I thought the last couple of days if I do or think things that are inherently racist. Do I hold my bag tighter when I pass a black man or teen? Feel uncomfortable in the elevator? Distrust them without any justification? Ever? Have I ever said “ I would never date a black guy” and.... oh, God, had my friend tell the man who would go on to be the VP of one of the world’s largest companies, that I don’t date black guys..... How Embarrassing. How must he have felt? 

Do I take my white girl pass and never think about it?

I think we need to hear what’s being said. I think we need to empathize with parents who are afraid for their sons. Men who are afraid that their car is too nice or that if they’re  driving in their neighborhood or birdwatching at the park that they could be killed.... Simply because when they are looked at, what is seen first is the color of their skin.

Tracy