hey.

Real quick.

I'm going to have to stop taking the Wizard of Oz medication, at least for now. It's not processing correctly...Or I should say....My kidneys are not processing it correctly, and that causes it to build up and become a poison and, well, the blood vessels in my hands are bursting, I have these red bumps all over my palms and the worst yet? I retain so much water that I'm getting up every 45 minutes to pee and by the time I wake up, my watch and my Embr Wave fall off my wrists.

 Don't get me started on peeing.

So, that's gonna be put on hold. I suppose The Wizard of Oz was way too high of a bar to set.

My YM moved in tonight. It's her story to tell but I'd like to say how proud I am of her. She's such a trusting soul who sees the world through rose-colored glasses even though she's had life go very wrong for her once upon a time. She still retains her softness. Animals, babies, and humans are drawn to her. Every one of our pets that have passed has sought her out to hold them while they let go. She's light.....I've always worried that she wasn't strong. That she'd be a follower and not a leader. That she'd let her heart lead her down paths best left alone and that I couldn't protect her from those things because I get it. I get wanting to love someone who doesn't love you back in the way you deserve and who won't treat you like you're special but there's that thing. That thing that buzzes and feels like butterflies and that place that reaches in and grabs you and pulls you close, and you want it to, beg it to and then it suddenly pushes you away, turns it's back, becomes something else, but you think...Someday.....

And then who am I to walk her through a different path? But I did. I did teach her to be strong and independent and have her things she loves that she'll keep important and to set priorities and stick to them.  I tried to teach all my children those things. YOU are special and irreplaceable to funny and intelligent and worthy and YOU choose your paths. You don't NEED anyone. You can love someone but it's not your job to fix them or beg them or cry for them. YOU be the person that's wanted. You be the strong force of nature that you're capable of.

And.....She is. She's a force of nature who knows what she wants and what she doesn't. She blows her own way and knows when she's being held down by the string like a kite and while she let that go on for what we all thought was much too long, she knew when it was enough for her. It caught him off guard. Taking those rose-colored glasses off to look him in the eye and say.....Not today. I've given until I'm empty. I must choose another path.

There are bumpy paths with even adult children but one day they do something and you think....."I've taught them well. " and there is a sense of pride in that. That your mistakes and insecurities and short fallings and fears have all been for a reason. Lessons. For you and for them. I'm glad for those. They haven't made me weak. They've made me brave. Able to confront my fears and mistakes and choices and reconcile them. Each a building block.

Have a great day. Stay safe. Seriously.

Much love,

Me