My Bad…..

 Sorry that I haven’t been around. I haven’t been doing my YouTube channel either. It’s just the way it is….

Two weekends ago, I had my mental health staycation and it was really nice. I did some therapy shopping and somehow ended up finding a new sofa sectional while I was at it. Because that was an impulse buy I decided to wait and ask myself, Self, do you need a new sofa? The answer is no but my emotional self wants to fill an empty hole in my heart and thinks that a sofa might do the trick. It won’t, but I’m still thinking it over!

I did get some adorable summer dresses and one really weird purchase…. A burnt gold velvet dress. Yes, I bought Ugg’s and a velvet dress. Neither of those things belong in the Texas summer but but but…. It’s going to be gorgeous in the fall and winter and, hello, velvet! With anklets and my Doc Marten Mary Janes…. So cute!!! Yes, I’m 53, but I’m not obligated to dress like a boring old woman!

I said that I needed to be around water and we had a spectacular thunderstorm with 10 inches of rain in just over an hour! I stood under a patio, closed my eyes, listened to the rain and smelled the fresh air. The wind blowing my hair around my head like a bent halo, my dress clinging to my body as it took in the misty splashes from the raindrops, tears or rain running down my freckled cheeks, nobody but me knows, held out my hands to feel the cool water bounce off my palms and roll down my wrists… and I loved it. I felt….. peaceful….. I stayed afloat.

I might have been in public…

 I was ok with that.

Thursday is my Lincoln’s birthday… His first birthday. 

We haven’t seen the grand babies in over a month. 

I think that says it all as to how things are going.

I know that I haven’t gotten around to my son’s diagnosis after the biopsy but I will. I’m just keeping my brain in neutral right now as much as possible. 

I’m deep diving into my art. I love it. I just check out and travel through time with my music and dance sometimes too. AirPods in. Noise cancellation on. My own world, there. Art, expression, concentration, watching nothing become something, seeing my emotions in it. This part was this song, that part was that song. Smiles, tears. Dance. Joy. Sadness. Warmth. Keeping my head above the dark water. You do what you gotta do.

Night Bears and cattails and the moon.

Me