This weekend we are working on my “Self Care”
Ya, a short vacation ordered by my psychiatrist. This is to unpack my mind. The constant think think think that’s never ending.
I’m gonna drink a bit. Shop a lot ( already got started on that and on a whim, bought some cute black and pink Ugg’s. Pink has become my new favorite color of the moment and who would have guessed that?! Also, boots in the summer in Texas make no sense at all.... And that’s ok!) go to a museum, have a couple very nice dinners out, speak to no one, and not let my brain get it’s way. Also go to the water. Any body of water that’s clear and makes noise. Rippling, splashing, waving, noise. I need , really really need, the calming sense of water to prop me up.
It’s been a struggle, the past few bits of time.
Here’s where I’m going to be painfully honest.
It’s not a struggle.... It’s a fight. Full on,Fight Club Fight, to not sink into the black.
My chest is so full of pain, anger, regret, confusion and disappointment, that it literally feels like weight crushing me. I feel like I need to shout as loudly as I possibly can to let out the pressure before I suffocate. Just drop to my knees and scream.
It’s quite possible that strangers might find that disturbing though so... Mental/Emotional vacation.
I’m fighting to find my boot straps. I know they must be around here somewhere. Where did I leave them last?
Tracy
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