Q&A

 1) it’s been a long time since you’ve talked to your oldest children. Do you think things will ever get back to how they were? I’m not speaking to an adult child of mine and I feel that I can not emotionally trust them again.

Thanks to therapy and some time and space away from the situation I can now say that I hope not. Ya, that might be weird to hear a mom say but those relationships were unhealthy for me. My relationship with my son and his wife was ripe with land mines and the only one trying to dodge them seems to have been me. When I ask myself if it were ANY other relationship would I stay, the answer is no. Ya. It sucks but he’s a full grown ass man and I can’t force him to make things better with his wife and how she treats me. It is what it is.

My daughter. God, I can’t go back to normal. I’m so very proud of myself for the work I’ve done learning how to take care of me. My daughter doesn’t need to be raised anymore. She is who she is and she is nearly identical to my mother’s personality. I’ve done that before and I never had someone say “ You’re not obligated to take it” until my previous previous doc who really made me think… Oh, shit! Being family does not mean that you have to be the punching bag. It’s as easy as saying no more and meaning it then following through with it. In her case that is where I will admit that we failed her. We weren’t great about the follow through of the natural consequences for her actions. We cut her a break because it’s easier. It’s easier to make the house feel calm again. It’s easier to not put up with her tantrums. It’s easier to smooth things over than to plow through them and we should have been plowing. She had a good counselor and I wish I’d been more honest about the things that were going on. It might be late in the game but if we ever intend to have any kind of relationship again it will be based in respect and will probably need to just be cordial for how ever long that keeps things in line. It will look much different.

2) I thought you had found your mother’s family. What happened?

Well, I couldn’t do it. I found what I needed to know, what had literally driven my mother crazy and it wasn’t the situation that she thought it was. That reality that the way I’d been treated and abused was based on her false assumptions was not something that I wanted to share with them nor did I want to get bogged down in it. It’s all in the box. I might need to invest in a warehouse pretty soon!

3) I listen to your channel and enjoy the way you and Robb interact. It feels honest and warm. Do you really speak every day?

First, thanks! We act very much like a healthy brother and sister relationship should actually look like, which might be odd considering the fact that we’re not related. Yes, we talk on the phone every day for at least an hour and usually much more. I seriously don’t know how we have so much to talk about but you may have noticed, I’m chatty!

4) favorite flower!

Lilacs. Hands down. I can’t find any to buy from a florist though. The smell reminds me of cool summer nights “camping” on our deck. I wish that I’d appreciated those more.

It’s really late and I’m so tired. I have a sinus infection and it’s making me sleepy!

Night,

Me