It’s hard for me to post when I’m feeling particularly anxious and Unnecessary wars do that to me. I have a good friend who lives in Finland who’s scared shitless that Russia is going to invade them… FINLAND. WTF. Nuclear weapons talk being thrown around by crazy fucks is also in my list of things that cause me anxiety. I know, silly me. I read read read and watch watch watch all things Ukraine and I’m just sick that the world stands by and watched a Democratic country be invaded by a batshit crazy dictator and Trump is praising him. How in the fuck did this country get to a place where Fox News excuses a Russian dictator? Remember Red Dawn? Ya, movie was in the 80’s! My parent’s generation hid under desks ( like that’s gonna help your skin from melting off?!) now those same Boomers are standing behind trump? WTF?! I don’t get it. A former AMERICAN President is verbally blowing this guy and it’s not shocking to 1/2 the country? It feels crazy! People who live in the south still hear those exact same bomb sirens, that our parents heard, when there’s a tornado, does that not register???? ( Ps: tornado sirens went off last week at 3:30 am!) I can not do it. I feel too much empathy. It’s not always the best trait.
On to another subject! Ya, so tornado sirens went off. I was awake which is a good thing because we must be too far from the siren to hear it well or we are really well insulated. You wanna know what we did? Sat in bed and listened for the tell tail windy sound. Ya, we are officially Texans. Like, “damn, it’s late, Girl, calm yourself down and do not make me get up out of this bed right now!” We also had another ice storm a few days ago. Don’t worry, I’m sure that climate isn’t a thing. It always freezes in TEXAS. I’m not gonna lie though, better to get super cold than live in a state where it’s heating up. I could use summer being a couple degrees cooler.
I met my new psychiatrist and…. I like him! What a twist! He’s low spoken, intelligent, interested, open minded, and thinks I need to do something different with my medication… Now that part bothers me. I do not like change. I’m not changing medication but I will be changing dosage and that always worries me. I will admit that as much as I advocate for understanding and better wording/ descriptions of depression and anxiety, I do hate to need the medication. I hate that I can’t control my own brain. I can’t control my other organs either but it feels different when it’s your brain. Can’t I just BE less anxious or happier? Can’t I just be “ normal?”
I asked for a gift for my upcoming birthday. I follow a jeweler online. Someone I know told me that they design amazing stuff and they only use AAA gemstones and semi Precious stones, they dip their silver in rhodium so that it’s shinier and doesn’t tarnish, I love love silver. Anyway, I asked for a piece that has the deepest blue Lapis lazuli and I want it badly. It’s not “expensive” but it’s so beautiful, yet simple.
Must go.
Luv, me
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