1) had a doctors appointment yesterday, looked adorable with a very light gray/purple blouse with short fluttery sleeves, jeans with a cuff, white Keds and a gold headband that looks like a crown, Ya’ll. My hair is soooo long now that the best way to wear it in the heat is a messy bun and be sassy.
2) I saw a new, lovely, doc in the office, nearly all the docs except my primary are from Africa, mostly Ghana, and they are a joy. Always smiling, always kind, always nervous about my anxiety….😬 This new doc was scrolling through my chart when she mentions anxiety and also anxiety about doctors visits. She asks why and I simply say… “ I struggled for years with chronic antibiotic resistant kidney infections and EVERY SINGLE doctors visit was some form of dehumanizing humiliation”😨 So she says that dehumanizing is an extreme Description and would I mind giving her an example so I start to explain what my “ exams” were( just to warm up, it gets much much worse) and because I’m me, I start to cry, perfect 🥴 Then she stops me and says “ My Darling, I sincerely believe that we’ve gone far enough. I understand somewhat of what you went through and that’s all I need to hear, child” (she’s younger than me by far) And then I hate myself for feeling weak. She stands up to look in my ears and proceeds to tell me that my eardrums are quite lovely, pearly white, perfection…. I say “ Thanks, I’m an over achiever”
3) We went to dinner at a place we’ve been a thousand times. Not THAT one but there are several. I’ve never even one time THOUGHT about the name before, in like 12 years if living here, just, head right into the sand, kind of thing, and suddenly as we are delivered the best God damned rolls you’ll ever get your mitts on, I look past the waiter and I see on the wall……
SOUTHERN PRIDE.
There’s a black man seated just behind us and I wonder if he’s had his head in the sand when he’s read the name of the place “ The Cotton Patch.” Or if today I’m just extra sensitive for some reason so I lean over to my husband and ask him “ My Dude, is it just me or does the name of this place and that big ass Southern Pride sign seem maybe a bit racist?” He slowly turns his head to read the sign and says “ Omg. How did I miss this?”
Besides that conversation I read a headline in the news and said out loud to myself “ Oh my God! Sweet Baby Jesus!” My husband gave a look that usually means “You don’t have to say everything you think out loud” So I known that I done fucked up with all that Lord’s name in vein stuff so I decided that I can pull this out of the ditch so I follow that up with “ What?! Someone want to criticize how I worship our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?!” I do not believe that my husband agreed with my, pulling it out of the ditch, assessment. Whatever.
Then we went to get the baby child his birthday gift…
And speaking of!
My son will be 20 on Thursday. TWENTY! The last two years have wreaked havoc on him. He went from loving the spotlight to being deathly afraid to leave the house. I’m not exaggerating. I haven’t really spoken about it because it’s been difficult. In 2020 he was so distressed by the sudden change that he felt like he should unalive himself. He couldn’t touch any surface. He scrubbed his hands bloody. He was broken and my dad had died from Covid so that Solidified the deal in his head. He’s been in therapy and is taking some meds. He’s not better or even what would be close but he will go diving and he can leave the house and we will be going out to dinner for his birthday and I am proud of him for being so fucking strong by doing things that his own brain is railing against.
Must be going. Love the pics. Love the Jeep, I want one myself! Not surprised it’s red, he thinks you’re the shit.
Me
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