Part 2

 I’ve been a mother for nearly 38 years. In the last six months or so I’ve come to understand something that I denied, lied about, wouldn’t let myself consider and hid under the guise of “Just being a mom” “ Being a good mom” “Being the person that society demanded from a mother” 

I’ve spent a lot of time, energy and money on therapy. I’ve said the same thing over and over to myself, my child, my other children, my husband, my friends, to strangers, to therapists, to family and friends. 

What was that lie that ultimately protected my heart, soul and brain? That I said to my son, making myself believe it with every word and every time it came from my mouth?

“ I never regret having you when I did.”

“I’d never do things differently”

“ You were a blessing”

After all that was spent on therapy to never have a therapist ask “ Really?” To never allow the thought to even step into my mind “ Really?”

It was something that freaking Ashley Judd said in an interview after her mom died that allowed me to confront reality. She said that at the age of (17-18?) her mother was forced by her family and society to be a mother. That choice she wasn’t given propelled her into poverty, a lack of further education, job situations she’d never have been in, relationship problems, isolation, depression, abuse, heartache, judgment, low self esteem, self hatred, accepting less, the feeling of being unworthy, the loss of love.

It was those words “ Forced by her parents and society to be a mother” that was allowed into my thoughts to sit and be heard. To allow me to see, for the first time in my life, that I’d been forced into being a mother and that I too had my nice little mid-class life Disintegrate before my eyes. At the age of 16 I was no longer the most important person in my life, I stopped getting gifts I stopped being anyone’s child, being *A* child, like I was meant to be, built to be, emotionally and physically. Gone were the days where my good grades and sports trophies reflected the child I was. I was no longer bright and intelligent, I was PREGNANT. I was no longer the fastest girl in my school, I was unable to participate in sports because I didn’t represent the school’s values. 

Forcing a child to become a parent, mentally, physically and statistically is most likely going to ruin their lives.

1) More than half of all mothers on welfare had their first child as a teenager. In fact, two-thirds of families begun by a young, unmarried mother are poor.

2) Parenthood is the leading reason that teen girls drop out of school. More than 50% of teen mothers never graduate from high school.

3) Less than 2% of teen moms earn a college degree by age 30

4) 8 out of 10 teen dads don’t marry the mother of their child.

5) Of the girls having a teenage mother, 39.4 % had a teenage pregnancy. This is significantly higher than the 13.1 % teenage pregnancy rates among those whose mother bore her first child after age 19

Where in this scenario is protecting the children?

Why do certain people in a country get to decide that a young girl will likely, statistically be forced into a life she’s not mentally only old enough to do capably but also no physically ready to go through? 

In 2017–2018, infants of teenagers aged 15–19 had the highest rate of mortality (8.77 deaths per 1,000 live births) compared with infants of women aged 20 and over.

I had third degree tears, a tear through the muscle from your vagina to your butt. 

A broken tailbone 

My spine compressed causing me to lose an INCH in height.

My body wasn’t prepared for pregnancy. 

Now imagine the 10, 12,13+ year olds who will be forced into motherhood AND what their bodies will go through! 

Why can someone’s religious or political beliefs be allowed to override the health of the child with fetal cells in them? Or the LIFE  of the child who has fetal cells in them?

My dad was sympathetic. He felt that I had the right to choose. Based on my mother’s religious beliefs and her life experience of being adopted she was against either choice and to be honest with you, I believe that through her abuse of my body, she wanted me to get pregnant as she’d had several miscarriages and in her mentally delusional mind, I believe she thought that baby would be hers. Over my dead body, but she didn’t see me as being able to stand up to her. 

Would I choose, today if I could do it over, to have a baby at 16? My final and finally honest answer is…. No.

And nobody, NOBODY, should have the right to make that choice for a female, no matter the age.

Good night, luvs,

Next might be part three

Tracy