I have just been choosing not to use it because I got so used to the pain of using my Ipad or phone and once you get used to the pain you might as well keep going, I always say.....
Speaking of pain...I am NOT feeling life today. I got cocky and started telling people that my pain has been much better in the last few days because I...Me...Myself...Figured out by doing some Google Doctoring, what is wrong with me and this motherfucking catheter, and since I promised to be open about my medical journey I guess I'll tell you that my bladder has decided to wake up and be PISSED...well, in a manner of speaking....and it's having...Spasms. Yup. It's spazzing out and that causes one's urethra to catch on fire. It's constant fun, really. So, I gave my doc a call and said..."Hey, can we do something about this shit?" and he prescribed me some meds and...THEY WORKED!!! for THREE WHOLE DAYS...... What/who was I in a previous life? Whatever it was, I am really sorry. I'll never do it again, I promise.
So, I have a new laptop and I bought a whole podcast microphone set up. I'm teaching myself the operating system to do the broadcasting and besides the podcasts, I'll be doing live, again, for my spoopy channel, I think I'm going to start a new podcast with....Me. I have thoughts. I have opinions. I have the ability to talk and talk and talk on any given day and so, why not? So it's a major failure. Who cares? Who is gonna care? Nobody AND I can at least say that I gave it a go, Right? This year....If you want it, get it, do it, live it. For fuck's sake. Time is ticking. Youth is wasted on the young. What do you think? I'll give you all the info and that would be cool if you wanted to check in sometimes and see what crazy shit I've found myself down the rabbit hole about.
Also, I'm changing my entire diet. I am going to get rid of all white foods and sugars. I don't eat many sweet things anyway but still, my beloved potatoes are pure body sugar and infections live on sugar. I need to make my blood a barrier between me and infections. I am actually excited about this because it means that I can feel like I'm being proactive rather than just living by reacting to what's happening. I can bulk up my immune system all by myself. I can change my own blood, in fact, I'm the only one who can. I want to get off the daily antibiotics, although, thank God for them these past few months, but I want to move back to how I used to medicate naturally. Foods, herbs, oils, tinctures. My kids were raised on them. I didn't take medications for years and here I am, so fucking medicated just to keep away infections and then those medications cause side effects and my autoimmune disease requires a medication that has side effects and while I'll never be able to not have the disease, I can get to a place where I'm on the least amount of medication possible. It is NOT a resolution. Resolutions are simply the first thing you'll fail at in the new year. I'm a fighter and I've been feeling so beat up that my natural instinct to fight back, kick its ass, has been quieted by the feelings of defeat...But, I am not defeated. I'm not going to curl up and wait to die. No. That's not me! I'm Tr-acy Fucking Br-ay-Joh-nson !!! Spunky, quirky, smart ass, rebel! :-)
I was listening to my playlist while writing this and Hold on to the Night by Richard Marx and Same Old Lang Syne came on one right after the other. I don't think I've heard Richard Marx in YEARS. I forgot that it was even in my playlist. Wow, that was weird. My brain was suddenly 20 years old. I don't want to get into the habit of having to feel obligated to put music on here if I don't want to but I really considered putting that on...Go listen to it. You'll be shocked how quickly you can feel your seat go back and have a speaker next to your ear LOL!!!!
Goodnight my luvs,
Taking a trip to the moon tonight....
Tracy
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