My youngest will be turning 19 next month. He’s struggled hard with the pandemic. I haven’t written about it here because he deserves his privacy so I’ll just say that things have been really really tough. In March of 2020 he heard me in horror the way a teenage had died from Covid, not knowing then how dark the situation would become for my family and over 600,000 other families. My father passing reaffirmed in him his terror and we eventually had to get him help.
I decided to delete what I’d written next and to say this instead…. In the last couple of months he’s been slowly improving and I’m super proud of the strength of this child of mine.
Now here we are with this new surge. Ugh.
Also, along the lines of his age, I look at him, his life, and think about me at that age and it is simply dumbfounding the difference between us! He is for sure still a “child” in many, if not, most, ways. Never had an actual girlfriend ( every single one of my kids put off any type of dating until they were over 19 ), never been exposed to drugs, never had a drink, never smoked a cigarette. Nothing. And the same was true for my other three.
Me at 19? To write it down and read it would make me, now, hide my kids from me! But, this part… Moved out on my own. Raising a three year old. I was fearless. I never thought that it was too hard. I never whined or felt sorry for myself… Ok, I did hate Christmas because I never got a gift and my birthday was always real iffy if I would or not. I just moved through it and not only that, I had fun. I was riding in red cars when I was 18 and 19 and for 2 more years. I barely slept. I danced a lot. I heard Black Velvet and Nothing Compares to You so many times that if I ever get Alzheimer’s I’ll still remember those lyrics! I put stuff in it’s drawer and moved through it while reaching out to grasp the brass ring, and for me, the brass ring didn’t have to be much. Small kindnesses. A roof over my baby’s head and food in his tummy and summer nights or snowball fights. I was not a “baby” by any measure but age. I was an adult with adult responsibilities. I ALWAYS felt older than my age. Even the people in their very early 20’s that were around me felt very much, not like “babies” It’s different now. People think they’re kids when the are 30. It just blows my mind to see him at this age and think that that poor thing would starve to death in 39 minutes if he was on his own.
I’m a big fan of moving out when you’re 19yrs old. I think that adult baby birds add one too many adults in the house. But, with the pandemic going on, this one probably won’t move until he’s 40. Both my girls moved at 19, the boys, not so much.
Anyway, that’s what’s on my mind tonight.
Haven’t talked to the son or daughter. Have FaceTimed the OM’s kiddos. Once per week…. Really is a difficult thing. Haven’t seen the oldest’s son’s child in months.
On a brighter note… My neighbor on this Island of mine is running for Governor of Te-as. White bread, Evangelical, pro life except he literally has a video where he’s upset that the US is feeding immigrant babies that are here without parents! Let me say this again, he thinks we should stop feeding them or, at least not in the US. I totally get the feelings about illegal immigration, I do, I’ve lived in Arizona and you get it when you’ve lived there AND, my husband is in an industry that has seen TONS of jobs lost to the cheapest labor. It’s affected people we’ve known. I get it… However, we should not feed children? Does that sound very Christ Like to you?
He’s mad at social media and transgender people and doesn’t want a boy on a girls team and stuff, ok, his opinion, lots of people agree with it…He wants to protect confederate statues…But that’s just some dog whistle bullshit. Who gives a hoot about a treasonous general when the power and water are off because it’s, oh I don’t know, that thing that comes ones a year… oh ya, WINTER! Millions without healthcare. Schools suck. Wages suck. And I love that he’s bitching about social media WHILE announcing his run for Governor ON social media! Oh, the irony! Abbott is Satan’s Seed, that’s for sure, but come on, can we just get someone who wants to help all Texans, not just Oil Baron Texans? Believe me, Texas needs help.
The press is sniffing around too and it will only get worse, so glad we live in a secure building.
I guess that wasn’t a brighter note after all.
This isn’t either. Robb, my Brit friend, his doctors found a tumor on his kidney. That’s really all I can write about that.
Ok, so SUPER CHEERY!
How’s this, my depression ( MINE, I own it?) is at bay for the most part. Skip skipping along. That’s good, right? You know why??? Because this is the time of year that helps to perk me up. We’re around the corner from fall and even though it’s gonna be hot until November, Honey, it’s still fall! And that means, winter will be here and I do love me some winter!! This is how my brain works.
Have to run.
Cattails,
Me
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