And Then…

 We start to leave Montana and the moving truck breaks down. Perfect. We dropped it somewhere to be fixed, ate lunch and then started off again and we’d be swinging back into Idaho. I was so tired from stress, loss, fear, excitement that 1/2 hour into our drive I asked to pull over, I was following the moving truck. In the truck was my husband and Madison, with me was the oldest boy and YM. 

We pulled over, I fell asleep for 20 minutes, felt much better and off we went.

The truck had a Governor on it so it could only go about 62 mph and it was pure country driving. Out in the middle of nowhere, no change in scenery for miles and miles and with my view being the back of the truck and RYDER to stare at I’d get antsy. I’d call my husband and say: Meet you down the road! I’d pass him and just drive, play music and have a dance party. Then I’d pull over 25 miles down the road and wait for the truck. I did this often. Once I pulled over next to the largest bird I’ve ever seen. A vulture standing about 3 1/2 -4 feet. It’s wingspan had to have been massive. He didn’t even flinch when I stopped, in fact, he looked me dead in the eye as if to say “ Step out of that car and I will fuck you up” 

I believed him. I called my husband and told home that he’d find me next to a can of whoop ass. 

I was free. I felt like someone had opened the door to my cage and let me fly. 

We drove into Idaho then Utah where the sky was dumping feet of snow as we drove through the mountains and then into Page Arizona where we had to cross a bridge over a canyon and I froze in the middle of that bridge…..

My husband was following me. I am terrified of heights. I told him that I couldn’t drive over the bridge. I promised that there was no way that my body would allow this. He coaxed me onto the bridge. “ don’t look down. Look at the back of the car in front of you. You got this. Great job.”

And then I looked. I’ve come to realize since then, especially after my train track debacle, that panic is not only, Fight or Flight but we leave out the last option, Freeze. That’s me. Queen of Freeze. Which I did. In the middle of the bridge. With the weight of all our worldly  possessions behind me and multiple cars building up. Then I was terrified that the bridge would collapse from the weight. But did that spur me on? No. I was gonna die on the bridge one way or another. 

My husband ran up to my car, had the oldest boy get into the truck and drove me across then he went back and drove the truck. People were not happy. I parked the car next to a grassy park, got out, tripped and landed face first in the grass. I remained there bloody and laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my cheeks. At least I was free and I’d never see any of those people again. We got sandwiches and ate lunch there. 

We stayed the night in Flagstaff where we picked up some new furniture and the next day we hit Phoenix during a record heat. 120 in October. I knew right then and there that Arizona, well, anything below Prescott, was not the place for me. But it was a whole new movie and that was an exciting adventure.

Ps: my in-laws lived in Mesa. By the time we hit Mesa they’d secured a home for us and we went and signed the papers. It was in Chandler, which I loved, across the street from the school that the OM would start kindergarten in the following year and the first Halloween I’d ever experienced where coats weren’t only not needed but everyone sat out in the driveways to pass out candy while they BBQ’d. It was a whole new world!

Tonight we’re having an ice storm. We’re also supposed to get several inches of snow. Hope our power grid handles it. 

Tracy