Still in Hospital

 And when I say that I’m starving, I mean starving. I’ve lost ten pounds in a week. I didn’t even know that was possible. Fuck Survivor, go on a liquid diet and sleep a lot. I win!  My jewelry is falling off of my fingers! I had to reduce my Tiffany bracelet by two loops. I’m living a Stephen King Novel.

But I can scratch my arm and that makes me very happy.

So the husband and I realized that we moved from my hometown 22 years ago as of last October. TWENT TWO YEARS! We’d only been married for 6 years when we moved. I bought my first house when I was 22. I’ve given birth to and raised an entire other adult since we moved! 

I don’t think that I’ve ever told the story of why and how and when we moved so, in honor of 22 YEARS!!!! I’m gonna!

I think of my life as a movie. Different actors, different soundtracks and also like a script . Like the scene ends and the page in the script is turned and boom! Whole new movie or maybe just new actors. 

I’ve had that several times, but for now, let’s start back at an early page of the script.

I had a baby at 16 years old. The page from 15-16 turned like a tornado ripping through my movie. But it was good.

Then I started a job at 18 and the script page was turned and entire new cast was brought in. The formative years into adulthood had mostly the same large characters but mentally, emotionally, physically the movie was pretty dramatic but, for the most part, it was good. I learned a lot. About the world, people, survival and myself. I’m pretty proud of that part of the script. I was molded in ways that moved me forward and helped me build some of the tools I’d need in life.

Then suddenly, but not without warning, the script turned the page and I, literally, had a new cast of players. Nearly everyone was replaced and those that I held onto for a bit longer eventually fell away as well and my life wasn’t even recognizable to that previous page. New job, bought my first house, roommates, baseball, dancing, freedom. Tight knit group. I felt safe. 

Then the page turned again. Still the same group but someone new and before I could stop it, or even see it, the page ripped violently and suddenly. 

I isolated myself and let in a new, very small cast, with a couple of the old cast for balance and swore off  emotional attachment. 

Page turns and by 26 I’m  married with two children. By 29 I have a newborn just before my 30th birthday.

The house, the car, the job are beginning to feel too tight.

My mother in law came to visit and begged us to move to Arizona. I was in no way going to move to be closer to her. I loved where I lived but also felt strangled by the ghosts in my movie. They were everywhere. The reminders of times I didn’t want or need reminded of or to have my new little family come into contact with and when the mother in law mailed us a newspaper with job listings it was hard to believe. The industry my husband works in was exploding in Arizona. The money was unlimited. The sign on bonuses unheard of where we lived. The benefits were also never seen where we lived and we got on the computer to do homework about Phoenix suburbs and landed on one. Chandler. It was beginning to grow but still had a quaint family friendly feeling. Good schools. Good neighborhoods, close to everything and we decided to make the jump.

And then my mom was told and all hell broke loose. And then she died.

When I’ve said that I was literally buying a casket and paying for a moving truck at the same time, I mean it. Here I was, barely able to function yet packing us up, we got someone to rent my house, we had Doug across the street to manage the place and tenets, said our good byes and….. Left hours and hours late. We had used Mapquest to map out our daily drive time, we had hotels lined up and we gave ourselves five days to make the move. After all, we had three kids and one was four and one was 18 months.

We ate into those first drive hours and didn’t leave until 6pm, we had to drive to Montana. By the time we stopped for dinner and drove to Montana I was beginning to ponder pulling into a parking lot. My blinks were becoming too long to be safe. We made it! 

What didn’t we have?

Any place to move in to. No idea where we were going to end up. My mother in law was in charge of looking at places. We were flying on a wing and a prayer.

More next time