Where to start......
At the end of this.... Now, I saw you starting to scroll down... stop that. I’ll have an update to a question I get one trillion times per month.
My sinuses have become addicted to Thieves Oil..... Or the humidity in the air from simmering it. I wake up and I can’t breathe or smell through my nose until the thieves is put on. When we can get out I’m going to have to attend some type of herbal oils addiction group.
I had an appointment with my psychiatrist on FaceTime a couple of days ago. I always thought that it was the actual... going... to a doctor that caused me anxiety but it’s apparently the actual speaking to the doctor that makes me want to call out from inside my shell. She’s very nice and I suppose if she can’t handle anxiety that she’s got no business being a psychiatrist. I told her that I bought an Embr Wa-ve to see if it helps my new best bud, Panic attack, cold helps and sometimes warm helps, anyway she’d never heard of the product which you wear on your wrist, lots of my menopause friends told me that it works great for panic attacks, so I told her all about it, she wrote the info down and says that she’s going to get one..... I’m sending her a bill for my time.
The other night I was doing research for a video when my mind wandered off, as it does, you know us creative types, and I began planning for my dad’s stay in the fall when he comes to meet the new grand baby. I was thinking about him using the boy’s room and how the pool will still be open and the clubhouse, pool table, sports tv... I needed to check at some point about what snacks he’d want and what meals and.......
It hit me like a ton of bricks.
I sat there, staring in the direction of the wall, my eyes not seeing anything in front of me. My ears ringing. My face feeling flush.... just staring. My breathing heavy and quick....
My husband asked “ Are you ok?” I heard it in the distance.... “Hey, you ok?”, my son turns around and looks, catching the alarm in his dad’s tone.
I turned my head and whispered,
“My dad is dead”
I know, he said softly, my son understanding, reached for my hand...
“No, no, I mean.... my dad is DEAD”
“yes, he is” he said
“But, he won’t be coming in the fall. He won’t meet Lincoln. I’ll never see him again”
It’s the worst when it takes you off guard.
Have I talked to my brother?????
Kind of.
His... Let’s just call her wife so the story is shorter.... sent me a message on Facebook book. This is what it read:
Hey, Tra-cy, who died?
I thought that was touching, how about you? Maybe a touch too sentimental?
I asked if my brother asked her to ask me and she snapped back with the kind of crazy that suits my brother and to make a medium story short, I didn’t tell her because he obviously knows. What he really wants to know is anything about a will, which is laughable, she told me that he may or may not call me... up to him..... and that, my friends, flicked a switch in my brain so I wrote back the following and blocked her.
“No. This situation is a family matter. He’s not welcome into family matters. He made a choice. It’s his to own. Do not call any of us. You’re not wanted.”
That should have been done 30 years ago. My life is so calm and drama free without him. My grandkids won’t learn to hide their birthday money or be taken to a drug deal or have their medication stolen and sold. I’m proud of myself. He literally drove any feelings for him away. I do love that protective shield sometimes.
So there you go.
One last thing.... I’ve been feeling.... Better!!! Shhh don’t jinx it :-)
Love,
Me
No comments:
Post a Comment