The Low Point...

Ok

So.... ugh, let’s be open about this health journey of mine.... close your eyes if you already know too much about me...

It’s gonna be real hard for me to type with my eyes closed.

Took a shower today, good for me, sat on my NEW grey and WHITE quilt( which I love love love. It’s not new anymore if I got it in December though, right? Anyway) and when I stood up.....

Blood.

There is absolutely NO reason for there to be blood from parts. None. I don’t even have a uterus or stuff like that so..... Kidneys? 

I panic, naturally, take a picture of it (!) call my husband and say “ I’m sending you a picture!! Wtf!! What’s going on? “

Meanwhile the other half of my brain is screaming NOT ON THE WHITE!!!! Like, oh shit, your kidneys might be so fucked right now but this shit is gonna stain! 

Ps: hydrogen peroxide gets out blood like a boss! 

I was checking all the places plus I’d shaved my legs and could I have somehow, some very strange and awkward way, cut my vag??? Like, I’d notice that right? I mean, there’d have to be something different from all the other times in 52 years that I’ve been shaving my legs and surely one would have noticed that???

Also josh heard me freaking, I have a robe on, he asks if he can come in, he sees the blood and he’s like.... How did that get there?

Omg. 

Can we not have this conversation please?

Did I figure it out? No. I do have a urologist apt at 9:40 in the morning and I’m going to get blood taken.... AGAIN, and if something is wrong, I literally have two days to spare. Yes, you can admit me to the hospital but I have to be out by Thursday... sound good? Or... hey, like if I have ovarian cancer, that can wait a week or so, ya? 

Life is the best.

On a completely different note, for some reason I will never understand, my husband got a karaoke app and just out of the blue, gets Alexa to start the music to some song and it’s the time of night that I like to refer to as “ I have my headphones on for a reason.” And he makes me sit through him singing and the longer the song goes the more I want to kill myself.

Ok, so he gets done..... Great job. Exciting! 

Puts headphones back on because I think... This is a very clear clue, right? We are now done with the entertainment part of the evening, goodnight.

But.... No.

One more song.

Kill me.

Then he’s all... you try it!

No

Try it!

No

Come on!!

Ok, fucker, listen, I’m willing to bet a large amount of money that nobody ever sang karaoke at an AA meeting and you want to know why??? Because it’s just not fun unless you’re drunk and that includes, both singers and listeners. Now, I can’t explain why this guy thinks this is fun while he’s sober but I do know that I’m sober and back go my headphones.

In 30 seconds the son is flashing his phone’s flashlight at me to get my attention. I see it. I ignore it....

Mom! Listen to me!!

Dear Lord in Heaven... I can’t say no to the kid, right?

So he chooses one of my favorite songs.

Uh oh.

Shit.

I google the lyrics real quick. I know them but there’s a really quickly sang verse and I want to make sure it’s right and God Damn it....

I sang it with him. Not only with him but I bulldozed over him and he could barely be heard. My right hand was going all Christina Aguilera to the low and high notes and I belted this thing out like I was live on stage at the Grammy’s.

Then I sang two more songs.

It was a low point in my life, not gonna lie. 

Have to go my cattails and Bears

Tracy